[Oe List ...] Salmon: Reply to Paul's request

Thu Jan 8 19:01:10 PST 2015

Paul--
    An interesting request. I suppose the last 15 weddings I've conducted had something of a secular focus. In particular was one in a Kansas State Prison to an atheist prisoner and an agnostic woman. We talked for 14 hours getting clear how his "reality" thinking could be translated into the Christian liturgy; it was a beautiful wedding for which they wrote the vows. 
    Let me look through my files and do a little research to share with you. 
    The altar is a place for several symbols:
In place of a cross, a Mystery Rock is used.
==A Family Candle set is used consisting of a candle representing his side of the family, and another for hers. 
==A Wedding Candle is used by the couple who use their Family Candles to light the candle representing a new family in history.

I make the case that there are a lot more attending the wedding than those present in the seats. First is her family history, second is his family history, and another one representing the State of Kansas (or whatever).
    I place the State License on the altar and prepare to sign it at the time following the lighting of the Couple's Family Candle. In this way, the State of Kansas is present. 
    In place of the candles, I've arrange for a small tube vase for each family and use colored balls usually used in fish bowels: one color for each side of the family--the couple take their color and combine it in a larger tube so that there is a mix of colors. 
    At the very beginning with the seating of the families, they bring their color marbles to put into their jar. 
    At the beginning of any counseling or conversation about the couple's expectations, I remind them that I'll be in prayer for them and will have a symbolic gift for them to be presented at the service. Frequently, I've used "Salt" reading from the Gospels: find a glass salt shaker (or an old aluminum Stove model) and engrave their name, wedding date, and the script. reference on it, requesting it be placed on their stove where it can be seen and used daily with the prayer that it become a reminder of their wedding vows. 
    For this same purpose, I've used an old t-towel from the kitchen with stains and a hole in it and use it to tie their hands together at the end of the service; this is to remind them that every time they pick up a t-towel they are to recall their wedding vows. To this same end, I've use warm washrags asking each couple to wash the hands of the other--this can be particularly meaningful when children of blended families are involved. 
    As you can see, use whatever comes to mind to use as metaphors for what the wedding ritual means. 
    The couple can be asked to write their personal vows; or sing to each other. Whatever. 
    Let me see what else can be found. 
    Perhaps, this will get the juices flowing. 

Remember, the vows are really for the State. The ritual could be no more or less than: "You want him?"  You want her?" You're married. Let's go party. (Ever see the movie "Joe versus The Volcano?" These were the vows standing on the lip of the volcano said by the Island Chief. 

    Later,    
    Bill Salmon

----- Original Message ----- 
  From: Paul Schrijnen via OE 
  To: Order Ecumenical Community 
  Sent: Wednesday, January 07, 2015 10:32 PM
  Subject: [Oe List ...] Request for ideas for wedding service

  Dear colleagues, dear friends,

  My best wishes to you all for 2015. 

  My son Patrick is getting married this summer and would like me to 
  conduct a secular wedding service.  

  I am looking for help and ideas. I suspect that a number of you have 
  run such services - or would have a wealth of  ideas for such a service.

  1. what structure makes sense?
  2. what congregational singing would work? 
  - what secular songs might be easily sung by the group of guests?
  - what Church songs might work, even in a secular setting? His bride is Welsh…
  3. ideas for readings, poetry.

  I appreciate your liturgical help!

  With best wishes,

  Paul

  Paul Schrijnen
  paulschrijnen at gmail.com
  pschrijnen at aol.com
  13 Bloemfontein Avenue
  London W12 7BJ
  +44 7973 206 766
  skype: paulus.schrijnen

    On 25 Dec 2014, at 17:35, Jeanette Stanfield via OE <oe at lists.wedgeblade.net> wrote:

    Dear Colleagues, 
    Thank you for being my global community throughout most of my adult life.  With deep gratitude for all of you. 

    Your constant compassion and care for this planet and all of its people is an unbelievable gift threaded into the very being of mother earth. 

    Happy Christmas. 

    Jeanette
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