[Oe List ...] some thoughts about the unintended side effects of new technology
Del Morrill
del at hypnocenter.com
Sat Oct 20 12:59:39 PDT 2012
I am overwhelmed by that fantastic and profound essay. I'd love to add it
to the articles on my web site if someone points the way to the author.
Del
October is Breast Cancer Awareness month.
Del Hunter Morrill, M.S., N.B.C.C.H.
Personal Guide & Hypnotherapist, Teacher, Lecturer
And Author of the GREAT ESCAPES Script Volumes
TRANSITIONS, a Center for Personal Guidance
And home of NEW BEGINNINGS PUBLISHING
3217 North Mason Avenue, Tacoma Washington 98407 USA
Phone (253) 383-5757; <http://www.hypnocenter.com/> www.hypnocenter.com
To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually
thrown out of the nest. (Pema Chodron)
_____
From: oe-bounces at lists.wedgeblade.net
[mailto:oe-bounces at lists.wedgeblade.net] On Behalf Of Shelley Hahn
Sent: Saturday, October 20, 2012 7:39 AM
To: Order Ecumenical Community
Subject: Re: [Oe List ...] some thoughts about the unintended side effects
of new technology
Thanks for sharing this, Paul. Very profound and important.
Shelley
On Thu, Oct 18, 2012 at 4:40 AM, <PSchrijnen at aol.com> wrote:
further to our little conversation about the impact of different
technological platforms.......
This TED talk by Sherry Turkle covers the challenge of what the digital
revolution
is doing to our communication, connection and capacity to cause and use
reflection
This is well worth the 19 minutes.
Paul
www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html
And here is a transcript:
Just a <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#0>
moment ago, my
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#2000> daughter
Rebecca texted me for good luck. Her
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#6000> text
said, <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#8000>
"Mom, you will rock." I love
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#11000> this.
Getting <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#13000>
that text was
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#15000> like
getting a hug. And so
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#17000> there
you have it.I
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#20000> embody
the <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#22000>
central paradox. I'm a
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#24000> woman
who <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#26000>
loves getting texts who's
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#28000> going to
tell youthat
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#30000> too many
of them can be a problem.
Actually <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#33000>
that reminder of my daughter brings
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#36000> me to
the beginning of my story. 1996,
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#39000> when I
gave my first TEDTalk, Rebecca
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#43000> was five
years old and
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#45000> she was
sitting right there in the
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#47000> front
row. I had
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#49000> just
written a book that
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#51000>
celebrated our life on the internet and I
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#53000> was
about to be on the cover of
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#56000> Wired
magazine. In
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#58000> those
heady days, we
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#60000> were
experimenting with
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#62000> chat
rooms and online virtual communities. We
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#65000> were
exploring different aspects of ourselves.And
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#69000> then we
unplugged. I was
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#71000> excited.
And, <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#73000> as
a psychologist, what excited me most was
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#76000> the idea
that <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#78000> we
would use what we learned in the virtual world about
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#81000>
ourselves, about our identity, to
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#84000> live
better lives in the real world.
Now <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#87000>
fast-forward to 2012. I'm
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#90000> back
here on the TED stage again. My
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#93000>
daughter's 20. She's a college student. She
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#96000> sleeps
with her cellphone, so do
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#100000> I. And
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#102000> I've
just written a new book,but
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#105000> this
time it's not one that
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#108000> will
get me on the cover of
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#110000> Wired
magazine. So what
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#112000>
happened? I'm
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#115000> still
excited by technology, but I
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#118000>
believe, and
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#120000> I'm
here to make the case,that
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#122000> we're
letting it take us places that
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#124000> we
don't want to go.
Over <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#126000>
the past 15 years, I've
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#128000> studied
technologies of mobile communication and
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#131000> I've
interviewed hundreds and hundreds of people, young
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#134000> and
old, about
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#136000> their
plugged in lives.And
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#138000> what
I've found is
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#140000> that
our little devices, those
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#142000> little
devices in our pockets, are
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#145000> so
psychologically powerful that
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#147000> they
don't only change what we do, they
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#151000> change
who we are.Some
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#154000> of the
things we do now with our devices are
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#156000> things
that, only a few years ago, we
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#159000> would
have found odd or
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#161000>
disturbing, but
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#163000> they've
quickly come to seem familiar, just
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#166000> how we
do things.
So <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#168000> just
to take some quick examples: People
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#171000> text or
do email during
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#173000>
corporate board meetings. They
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#176000> text
and shop and go on Facebook during
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#179000>
classes, during presentations,actually
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#182000> during
all meetings. People
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#184000> talk to
me about the important new skill of
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#187000> making
eye contact while
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#189000> you're
texting. (Laughter)
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#191000> People
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#193000> explain
to me that
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#195000> it's
hard, but that it can be done. Parents
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#198000> text
and do email at
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#200000>
breakfast and at dinner while
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#202000> their
children complainabout
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#205000> not
having their parents' full attention. But
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#207000> then
these same children deny
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#209000> each
other their full attention. This
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#212000> is a
recent shot of my
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#214000>
daughter and her friends being
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#217000>
together while
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#219000> not
being together. And
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#222000> we even
text at funerals. I
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#224000> study
this. We <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#226000>
remove ourselves from our
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#228000> grief
or from our revery and
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#230000> we go
into our phones.
Why <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#233000>
does this matter? It
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#235000> matters
to me because
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#237000> I think
we're setting ourselves up for trouble -- trouble
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#240000>
certainly in
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#242000> how we
relate to each other, but
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#244000> also
trouble in
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#246000> how we
relate to ourselves and
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#249000> our
capacity for self-reflection. We're
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#252000> getting
used to a new way of
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#254000> being
alone together. People
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#257000> want to
be with each other, but
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#259000> also
elsewhere -- connected
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#261000> to all
the different places they want to be. People
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#264000> want to
customize their lives. They
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#267000> want to
go in and out of all the places they are because
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#270000> the
thing that matters most to them is
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#272000> control
over where they put their attention. So
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#276000> you
want to go to that board meeting, but
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#279000> you
only want to pay attention to
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#281000> the
bits that interest you. And
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#283000> some
people think that's a good thing. But
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#286000> you can
end up hiding
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#288000> from
each other, even
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#290000> as
we're all constantly connected to each other.
A <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#293000>
50-year-old business man lamented
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#295000> to me
that <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#297000> he
feels he doesn't have colleagues anymore at work. When
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#300000> he goes
to work, he doesn't stop by to talk to anybody, he
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#303000> doesn't
call. And he
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#305000> says he
doesn't want to interrupt his colleagues because,
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#308000> he
says, "They're too busy on their email." But
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#311000> then he
stops himself and
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#313000> he
says, "You know, I'm not telling you the truth. I'm
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#315000> the one
who doesn't want to be interrupted. I
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#318000> think I
should want to, but
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#320000>
actually I'd rather just do things on my Blackberry."
Across <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#324000>
the generations, I see
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#326000> that
people can't get enough of each other, if
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#330000> and
only if they
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#332000> can
have each other at a distance, in
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#335000> amounts
they can control. I call
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#337000> it the
Goldilocks effect: not
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#340000> too
close, not too far, just
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#343000> right.
But <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#345000>
what might feel just right for
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#347000> that
middle-aged executive can
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#349000> be a
problem for an adolescent who
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#351000> needs
to develop face-to-face relationships. An
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#355000>
18-year-old boy who
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#357000> uses
texting for almost everything says
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#360000> to me
wistfully,
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#362000>
"Someday, someday, but
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#365000>
certainly not now, I'd
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#367000> like to
learn how to have a conversation."
When <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#371000> I
ask people
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#373000> "What's
wrong with having a conversation?" People
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#376000> say,
"I'll tell you what's wrong with having a conversation. It
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#380000> takes
place in real time and
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#383000> you
can't control what you're going to say." So
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#387000> that's
the bottom line. Texting,
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#389000> email,
posting, all
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#392000> of
these things let
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#394000> us
present the self as we want to be. We
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#397000> get to
edit, and
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#399000> that
means we get to delete, and
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#402000> that
means we get to retouch, the
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#405000> face,
the voice, the
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#407000> flesh,
the body -- not
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#409000> too
little, not too much, just
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#412000> right.
Human <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#414000>
relationships are
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#416000> rich
and they're messy and
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#418000> they're
demanding. And
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#420000> we
clean them up with technology. And
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#423000> when we
do, one <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#425000>
of the things that can happen is
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#427000> that we
sacrifice conversation for
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#429000> mere
connection. We
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#431000>
short-change ourselves. And
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#434000> over
time, we <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#436000>
seem to forget this, or we
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#438000> seem to
stop caring.
I was <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#441000>
caught off guard when
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#445000> Stephen
Colbert asked
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#447000> me a
profound question, a
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#451000>
profound question. He
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#454000> said,
"Don't all those little tweets, don't
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#460000> all
those little sips of
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#463000> online
communication, add
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#466000> up to
one big gulp of
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#469000> real
conversation?" My
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#473000> answer
was no, they
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#475000> don't
add up. Connecting
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#477000> in sips
may work for
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#481000>
gathering discreet bits of information, they
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#485000> may
work for saying, "I'm thinking about you," or
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#489000> even
for saying, "I love you," -- I
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#491000> mean,
look at how I felt when
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#493000> I got
that text from my daughter -- but
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#496000> they
don't really work for
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#498000>
learning about each other, for
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#500000> really
coming to know and understand each other. And
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#504000> we use
conversations with each other to
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#508000> learn
how to have conversations with
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#510000>
ourselves. So a
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#512000> flight
from conversation can
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#514000> really
matter because
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#516000> it can
compromise our
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#518000>
capacity for self-reflection. For
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#520000> kids
growing up, that
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#522000> skill
is the bedrock of development.
Over <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#526000>
and over I hear,
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#528000> "I would
rather text than talk." And
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#531000> what
I'm seeing is that
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#533000> people
get so used to being short-changed out
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#535000> of real
conversation, so
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#537000> used to
getting by with less,that
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#540000> they've
become almost willing to
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#542000>
dispense with people altogether. So
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#544000> for
example,many
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#546000> people
share with me this wish, that
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#548000> some
day a more advanced version of Siri, the
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#551000> digital
assistant on Apple's iPhone, will
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#554000> be more
like a best friend, someone
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#556000> who
will listenwhen
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#558000> others
won't. I <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#560000>
believe this wish reflects
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#562000> a
painful truth that
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#564000> I've
learned in the past 15 years. That
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#567000> feeling
that no one is listening to me is
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#571000> very
important in
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#573000> our
relationships with technology. That's
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#575000> why
it's so appealing to have
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#577000> a
Facebook page or a
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#579000> Twitter
feed -- so
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#581000> many
automatic listeners. And
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#584000> the
feeling that no one is listening to me make
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#587000> us want
to spend time with
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#589000>
machines that seem to care about us.
We're <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#592000>
developing robots, they
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#594000> call
them sociable robots, that
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#596000> are
specifically designed to be companions -- to
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#599000> the
elderly, to
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#601000> our
children, to
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#603000> us.
Have <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#605000> we
so lost confidence that
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#608000> we will
be there for each other? During
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#612000> my
research I
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#614000> worked
in nursing homes, and I
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#616000> brought
in these sociable robots that
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#619000> were
designed to give the elderly the
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#621000> feeling
that they were understood. And
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#624000> one day
I came in and a
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#626000> woman
who had lost a child was
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#628000> talking
to a robotin
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#630000> the
shape of a baby seal. It
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#633000> seemed
to be looking in her eyes. It
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#635000> seemed
to be following the conversation. It
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#638000>
comforted her. And
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#641000> many
people found this amazing.
But <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#645000>
that woman was trying to make sense of her life with
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#650000> a
machine that had no experienceof
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#653000> the arc
of a human life. That
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#656000> robot
put on a great show. And
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#658000> we're
vulnerable. People
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#660000>
experience pretend empathy as
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#663000> though
it were the real thing. So
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#666000> during
that moment when
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#670000> that
woman was
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#672000>
experiencing that pretend empathy, I was
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#675000>
thinking, "That robot can't empathize. It
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#678000> doesn't
face death. It
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#680000> doesn't
know life."
And <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#682000> as
that woman took comfort in
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#684000> her
robot companion, I didn't
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#686000> find it
amazing; I
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#688000> found
it one of the most wrenching, complicated moments in my
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#692000> 15
years of work. But
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#696000> when I
stepped back, I
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#698000> felt
myself at
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#700000> the
cold, hard center of a
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#703000> perfect
storm. We
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#705000> expect
more from technology and
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#708000> less
from each other. And I
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#711000> ask
myself, <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#713000>
"Why have things come to this?"
And I <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#716000>
believe it's because technology
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#718000> appeals
to us most where
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#721000> we are
most vulnerable.And
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#723000> we are
vulnerable. We're
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#725000> lonely,
but <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#727000>
we're afraid of intimacy. And
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#729000> so from
social networks to sociable robots, we're
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#732000>
designing technologies that
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#734000> will
give us the illusion of companionship without
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#737000> the
demands of friendship. We turn
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#739000> to
technology to help us feel connected in
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#742000> ways we
can comfortably control. But
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#745000> we're
not so comfortable. We
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#747000> are not
so much in control.
These <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#750000>
days, those phones in our pockets are
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#753000>
changing our minds and hearts because
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#755000> they
offer us three
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#757000>
gratifying fantasies. One,
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#759000> that we
can put our attention wherever
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#761000> we want
it to be; two,
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#763000> that we
will always be heard; and
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#766000> three,
that we will never have to be alone. And
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#769000> that
third idea, that
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#771000> we will
never have to be alone, is
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#774000> central
to changing our psyches.Because
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#776000> the
moment that people are alone, even
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#779000> for a
few seconds, they
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#781000> become
anxious, they panic, they fidget, they
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#784000> reach
for a device. Just
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#786000> think
of people at a checkout line or at
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#788000> a red
light. Being
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#790000> alone
feels like a problem that needs to be solved. And
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#794000> so
people try to solve it by connecting. But
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#797000> here,
connection is
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#799000> more
like a symptom than a cure. It
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#802000>
expresses, but it doesn't solve, an
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#805000>
underlying problem. But
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#807000> more
than a symptom, constant
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#809000>
connection is changing the
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#811000> way
people think of themselves. It's
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#813000> shaping
a new way of being.
The <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#816000>
best way to describe it is, I
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#818000> share
therefore I am. We
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#821000> use
technology to define ourselves by
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#824000> sharing
our thoughts and feelings even
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#826000> as
we're having them. So
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#828000> before
it was: I
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#830000> have a
feeling, I
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#832000> want to
make a call. Now
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#834000> it's: I
want to have a feeling, I
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#837000> need to
send a text. The
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#839000> problem
with this new regime of
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#842000> "I
share therefore I am" is
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#844000> that,
if we don't have connection, we
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#846000> don't
feel like ourselves. We
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#848000> almost
don't feel ourselves. So
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#850000> what do
we do? We connect more and more. But
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#853000> in the
process, we
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#855000> set
ourselves up to be isolated.
How do <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#858000>
you get from connection to isolation? You
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#862000> end up
isolated if
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#864000> you
don't cultivate the capacity for solitude, the
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#866000> ability
to be separate, to
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#869000> gather
yourself. Solitude
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#871000> is
where you find yourself so
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#874000> that
you can reach out to other people and
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#876000> form
real attachments. When
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#879000> we
don't have the capacity for solitude, we
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#882000> turn to
other people in order to feel less anxious or in
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#885000> order
to feel alive. When
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#887000> this
happens, we're
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#889000> not
able to appreciate who they are. It's
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#892000> as
though we're using them as
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#894000> spare
parts to support
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#896000> our
fragile sense of self. We
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#899000> slip
into thinking that always being connected is
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#902000> going
to make us feel less alone. But
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#906000> we're
at risk,because
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#908000>
actually it's the opposite that's true. If
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#911000> we're
not able to be alone, we're
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#913000> going
to be more lonely. And
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#915000> if we
don't teach our children to be alone, they're
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#918000> only
going to know how
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#920000> to be
lonely.
When I <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#922000>
spoke at TED in 1996, reporting
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#925000> on my
studies of
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#927000> the
early virtual communities, I
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#929000> said,
"Those who make the most of
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#932000> their
lives on the screen come
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#934000> to it
in a spirit of self-reflection." And
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#937000> that's
what I'm calling for here, now: reflection
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#940000> and,
more than that, a conversation about
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#943000> where
our current use of technology may
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#946000> be
taking us, what
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#948000> it
might be costing us. We're
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#950000> smitten
with technology. And
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#953000> we're
afraid, like young lovers, that
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#956000> too
much talking might spoil the romance. But
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#959000> it's
time to talk. We
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#961000> grew up
with digital technology and
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#964000> so we
see it as all grown up. But
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#966000> it's
not, it's early days. There's
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#969000> plenty
of time for
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#971000> us to
reconsider how we use it, how
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#973000> we
build it. I'm
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#975000> not
suggesting that
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#977000> we turn
away from our devices, just
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#979000> that we
develop a more self-aware relationship with
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#982000> them,
with each other and
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#984000> with
ourselves.
I see <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#987000>
some first steps. Start
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#989000>
thinking of solitude as a
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#991000> good
thing. Make
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#993000> room
for it. Find
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#995000> ways to
demonstrate this as a
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#998000> value
to your children. Create
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1000000> sacred
spaces at home -- the
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1002000>
kitchen, the dining room -- and
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1004000>
reclaim them for conversation. Do
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1007000> the
same thing at work.At
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1009000> work,
we're so busy communicating that
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1011000> we
often don't have time to think, we
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1014000> don't
have time to talk, about
<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1017000> the
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technology says it
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you.
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