[Oe List ...] some thoughts about the unintended side effects of new technology

Sat Oct 20 07:38:50 PDT 2012

Thanks for sharing this, Paul.  Very profound and important.

Shelley

On Thu, Oct 18, 2012 at 4:40 AM, <PSchrijnen at aol.com> wrote:

> **
>  further to our little conversation about the impact of different
> technological platforms.......
>
> This TED talk by Sherry Turkle covers the challenge of what the digital
> revolution
> is doing to our communication, connection and capacity to cause and use
> reflection
>
> This is well worth the 19 minutes.
>
> Paul
>
> www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html
>
>  And here is a transcript:
>
> Just a moment ago,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#0> my
> daughter Rebecca texted me for good luck.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#2000> Her
> text said,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#6000> "Mom,
> you will rock."<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#8000> I
> love this.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#11000> Getting
> that text<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#13000> was
> like getting a hug.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#15000> And
> so there you have it.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#17000>I
> embody <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#20000> the
> central paradox.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#22000> I'm
> a woman <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#24000> who
> loves getting texts<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#26000> who's
> going to tell you<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#28000>that
> too many of them can be a problem.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#30000>
>
> Actually that reminder of my daughter<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#33000> brings
> me to the beginning of my story.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#36000> 1996,
> when I gave my first TEDTalk,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#39000> Rebecca
> was five years old<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#43000> and
> she was sitting right there<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#45000> in
> the front row.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#47000> I
> had just written a book<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#49000> that
> celebrated our life on the internet<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#51000> and
> I was about to be on the cover<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#53000> of
> Wired magazine.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#56000> In
> those heady days,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#58000> we
> were experimenting<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#60000> with
> chat rooms and online virtual communities.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#62000> We
> were exploring different aspects of ourselves.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#65000>And
> then we unplugged.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#69000> I
> was excited.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#71000> And,
> as a psychologist, what excited me most<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#73000> was
> the idea<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#76000> that
> we would use what we learned in the virtual world<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#78000> about
> ourselves, about our identity,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#81000> to
> live better lives in the real world.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#84000>
>
> Now fast-forward to 2012.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#87000> I'm
> back here on the TED stage again.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#90000> My
> daughter's 20. She's a college student.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#93000> She
> sleeps with her cellphone,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#96000> so
> do I. <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#100000> And
> I've just written a new book,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#102000>but
> this time it's not one<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#105000> that
> will get me on the cover<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#108000> of
> Wired magazine.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#110000> So
> what happened?<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#112000> I'm
> still excited by technology,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#115000> but
> I believe,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#118000> and
> I'm here to make the case,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#120000>that
> we're letting it take us places<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#122000> that
> we don't want to go.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#124000>
>
> Over the past 15 years,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#126000> I've
> studied technologies of mobile communication<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#128000> and
> I've interviewed hundreds and hundreds of people,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#131000> young
> and old,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#134000> about
> their plugged in lives.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#136000>And
> what I've found<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#138000> is
> that our little devices,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#140000> those
> little devices in our pockets,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#142000> are
> so psychologically powerful<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#145000> that
> they don't only change what we do,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#147000> they
> change who we are.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#151000>Some
> of the things we do now with our devices<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#154000> are
> things that, only a few years ago,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#156000> we
> would have found odd<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#159000> or
> disturbing,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#161000> but
> they've quickly come to seem familiar,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#163000> just
> how we do things.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#166000>
>
> So just to take some quick examples:<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#168000> People
> text or do email<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#171000> during
> corporate board meetings.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#173000> They
> text and shop and go on Facebook<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#176000> during
> classes, during presentations,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#179000>actually
> during all meetings.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#182000> People
> talk to me about the important new skill<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#184000> of
> making eye contact<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#187000> while
> you're texting.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#189000>
> (Laughter)<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#191000> People
> explain to me<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#193000> that
> it's hard, but that it can be done.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#195000> Parents
> text and do email<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#198000> at
> breakfast and at dinner<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#200000> while
> their children complain<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#202000>about
> not having their parents' full attention.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#205000> But
> then these same children<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#207000> deny
> each other their full attention.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#209000> This
> is a recent shot<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#212000> of
> my daughter and her friends<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#214000> being
> together<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#217000> while
> not being together.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#219000> And
> we even text at funerals.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#222000> I
> study this.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#224000> We
> remove ourselves<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#226000> from
> our grief or from our revery<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#228000> and
> we go into our phones.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#230000>
>
> Why does this matter?<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#233000> It
> matters to me<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#235000> because
> I think we're setting ourselves up for trouble --<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#237000> trouble
> certainly<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#240000> in
> how we relate to each other,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#242000> but
> also trouble<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#244000> in
> how we relate to ourselves<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#246000> and
> our capacity for self-reflection.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#249000> We're
> getting used to a new way<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#252000> of
> being alone together.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#254000> People
> want to be with each other,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#257000> but
> also elsewhere --<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#259000> connected
> to all the different places they want to be.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#261000> People
> want to customize their lives.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#264000> They
> want to go in and out of all the places they are<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#267000> because
> the thing that matters most to them<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#270000> is
> control over where they put their attention.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#272000> So
> you want to go to that board meeting,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#276000> but
> you only want to pay attention<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#279000> to
> the bits that interest you.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#281000> And
> some people think that's a good thing.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#283000> But
> you can end up<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#286000> hiding
> from each other,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#288000> even
> as we're all constantly connected to each other.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#290000>
>
> A 50-year-old business man<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#293000> lamented
> to me <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#295000> that
> he feels he doesn't have colleagues anymore at work.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#297000> When
> he goes to work, he doesn't stop by to talk to anybody,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#300000> he
> doesn't call.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#303000> And
> he says he doesn't want to interrupt his colleagues<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#305000> because,
> he says, "They're too busy on their email."<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#308000> But
> then he stops himself<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#311000> and
> he says, "You know, I'm not telling you the truth.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#313000> I'm
> the one who doesn't want to be interrupted.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#315000> I
> think I should want to,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#318000> but
> actually I'd rather just do things on my Blackberry."<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#320000>
>
> Across the generations,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#324000> I
> see that people can't get enough of each other,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#326000> if
> and only if<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#330000> they
> can have each other at a distance,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#332000> in
> amounts they can control.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#335000> I
> call it the Goldilocks effect:<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#337000> not
> too close, not too far,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#340000> just
> right. <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#343000> But
> what might feel just right<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#345000> for
> that middle-aged executive<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#347000> can
> be a problem for an adolescent<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#349000> who
> needs to develop face-to-face relationships.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#351000> An
> 18-year-old boy<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#355000> who
> uses texting for almost everything<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#357000> says
> to me wistfully,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#360000> "Someday,
> someday,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#362000> but
> certainly not now,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#365000> I'd
> like to learn how to have a conversation."<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#367000>
>
> When I ask people<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#371000> "What's
> wrong with having a conversation?"<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#373000> People
> say, "I'll tell you what's wrong with having a conversation.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#376000> It
> takes place in real time<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#380000> and
> you can't control what you're going to say."<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#383000> So
> that's the bottom line.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#387000> Texting,
> email, posting,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#389000> all
> of these things<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#392000> let
> us present the self as we want to be.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#394000> We
> get to edit,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#397000> and
> that means we get to delete,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#399000> and
> that means we get to retouch,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#402000> the
> face, the voice,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#405000> the
> flesh, the body --<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#407000> not
> too little, not too much,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#409000> just
> right. <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#412000>
>
> Human relationships<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#414000> are
> rich and they're messy<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#416000> and
> they're demanding.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#418000> And
> we clean them up with technology.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#420000> And
> when we do,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#423000> one
> of the things that can happen<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#425000> is
> that we sacrifice conversation<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#427000> for
> mere connection.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#429000> We
> short-change ourselves.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#431000> And
> over time,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#434000> we
> seem to forget this,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#436000> or
> we seem to stop caring.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#438000>
>
> I was caught off guard<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#441000> when
> Stephen Colbert<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#445000> asked
> me a profound question,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#447000> a
> profound question.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#451000> He
> said, "Don't all those little tweets,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#454000> don't
> all those little sips<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#460000> of
> online communication,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#463000> add
> up to one big gulp<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#466000> of
> real conversation?"<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#469000> My
> answer was no,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#473000> they
> don't add up.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#475000> Connecting
> in sips may work<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#477000> for
> gathering discreet bits of information,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#481000> they
> may work for saying, "I'm thinking about you,"<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#485000> or
> even for saying, "I love you," --<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#489000> I
> mean, look at how I felt<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#491000> when
> I got that text from my daughter --<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#493000> but
> they don't really work<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#496000> for
> learning about each other,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#498000> for
> really coming to know and understand each other.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#500000> And
> we use conversations with each other<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#504000> to
> learn how to have conversations<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#508000> with
> ourselves.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#510000> So
> a flight from conversation<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#512000> can
> really matter<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#514000> because
> it can compromise<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#516000> our
> capacity for self-reflection.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#518000> For
> kids growing up,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#520000> that
> skill is the bedrock of development.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#522000>
>
> Over and over I hear,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#526000> "I
> would rather text than talk."<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#528000> And
> what I'm seeing<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#531000> is
> that people get so used to being short-changed<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#533000> out
> of real conversation,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#535000> so
> used to getting by with less,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#537000>that
> they've become almost willing<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#540000> to
> dispense with people altogether.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#542000> So
> for example,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#544000>many
> people share with me this wish,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#546000> that
> some day a more advanced version of Siri,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#548000> the
> digital assistant on Apple's iPhone,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#551000> will
> be more like a best friend,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#554000> someone
> who will listen<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#556000>when
> others won't.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#558000> I
> believe this wish<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#560000> reflects
> a painful truth<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#562000> that
> I've learned in the past 15 years.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#564000> That
> feeling that no one is listening to me<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#567000> is
> very important<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#571000> in
> our relationships with technology.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#573000> That's
> why it's so appealing<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#575000> to
> have a Facebook page<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#577000> or
> a Twitter feed --<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#579000> so
> many automatic listeners.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#581000> And
> the feeling that no one is listening to me<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#584000> make
> us want to spend time<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#587000> with
> machines that seem to care about us.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#589000>
>
> We're developing robots,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#592000> they
> call them sociable robots,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#594000> that
> are specifically designed to be companions --<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#596000> to
> the elderly,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#599000> to
> our children,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#601000> to
> us. <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#603000> Have
> we so lost confidence<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#605000> that
> we will be there for each other?<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#608000> During
> my research<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#612000> I
> worked in nursing homes,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#614000> and
> I brought in these sociable robots<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#616000> that
> were designed to give the elderly<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#619000> the
> feeling that they were understood.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#621000> And
> one day I came in<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#624000> and
> a woman who had lost a child<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#626000> was
> talking to a robot<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#628000>in
> the shape of a baby seal.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#630000> It
> seemed to be looking in her eyes.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#633000> It
> seemed to be following the conversation.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#635000> It
> comforted her.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#638000> And
> many people found this amazing.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#641000>
>
> But that woman was trying to make sense of her life<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#645000> with
> a machine that had no experience<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#650000>of
> the arc of a human life.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#653000> That
> robot put on a great show.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#656000> And
> we're vulnerable.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#658000> People
> experience pretend empathy<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#660000> as
> though it were the real thing.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#663000> So
> during that moment<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#666000> when
> that woman<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#670000> was
> experiencing that pretend empathy,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#672000> I
> was thinking, "That robot can't empathize.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#675000> It
> doesn't face death.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#678000> It
> doesn't know life."<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#680000>
>
> And as that woman took comfort<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#682000> in
> her robot companion,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#684000> I
> didn't find it amazing;<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#686000> I
> found it one of the most wrenching, complicated moments<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#688000> in
> my 15 years of work.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#692000> But
> when I stepped back,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#696000> I
> felt myself<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#698000> at
> the cold, hard center<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#700000> of
> a perfect storm.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#703000> We
> expect more from technology<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#705000> and
> less from each other.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#708000> And
> I ask myself,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#711000> "Why
> have things come to this?"<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#713000>
>
> And I believe it's because<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#716000> technology
> appeals to us most<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#718000> where
> we are most vulnerable.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#721000>And
> we are vulnerable.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#723000> We're
> lonely,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#725000> but
> we're afraid of intimacy.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#727000> And
> so from social networks to sociable robots,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#729000> we're
> designing technologies<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#732000> that
> will give us the illusion of companionship<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#734000> without
> the demands of friendship.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#737000> We
> turn to technology to help us feel connected<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#739000> in
> ways we can comfortably control.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#742000> But
> we're not so comfortable.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#745000> We
> are not so much in control.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#747000>
>
> These days, those phones in our pockets<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#750000> are
> changing our minds and hearts<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#753000> because
> they offer us<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#755000> three
> gratifying fantasies.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#757000> One,
> that we can put our attention<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#759000> wherever
> we want it to be;<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#761000> two,
> that we will always be heard;<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#763000> and
> three, that we will never have to be alone.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#766000> And
> that third idea,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#769000> that
> we will never have to be alone,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#771000> is
> central to changing our psyches.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#774000>Because
> the moment that people are alone,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#776000> even
> for a few seconds,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#779000> they
> become anxious, they panic, they fidget,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#781000> they
> reach for a device.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#784000> Just
> think of people at a checkout line<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#786000> or
> at a red light.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#788000> Being
> alone feels like a problem that needs to be solved.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#790000> And
> so people try to solve it by connecting.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#794000> But
> here, connection<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#797000> is
> more like a symptom than a cure.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#799000> It
> expresses, but it doesn't solve,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#802000> an
> underlying problem.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#805000> But
> more than a symptom,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#807000> constant
> connection is changing<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#809000> the
> way people think of themselves.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#811000> It's
> shaping a new way of being.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#813000>
>
> The best way to describe it is,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#816000> I
> share therefore I am.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#818000> We
> use technology to define ourselves<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#821000> by
> sharing our thoughts and feelings<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#824000> even
> as we're having them.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#826000> So
> before it was:<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#828000> I
> have a feeling,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#830000> I
> want to make a call.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#832000> Now
> it's: I want to have a feeling,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#834000> I
> need to send a text.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#837000> The
> problem with this new regime<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#839000> of
> "I share therefore I am"<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#842000> is
> that, if we don't have connection,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#844000> we
> don't feel like ourselves.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#846000> We
> almost don't feel ourselves.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#848000> So
> what do we do? We connect more and more.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#850000> But
> in the process,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#853000> we
> set ourselves up to be isolated.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#855000>
>
> How do you get from connection to isolation?<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#858000> You
> end up isolated<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#862000> if
> you don't cultivate the capacity for solitude,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#864000> the
> ability to be separate,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#866000> to
> gather yourself.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#869000> Solitude
> is where you find yourself<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#871000> so
> that you can reach out to other people<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#874000> and
> form real attachments.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#876000> When
> we don't have the capacity for solitude,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#879000> we
> turn to other people in order to feel less anxious<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#882000> or
> in order to feel alive.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#885000> When
> this happens,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#887000> we're
> not able to appreciate who they are.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#889000> It's
> as though we're using them<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#892000> as
> spare parts<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#894000> to
> support our fragile sense of self.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#896000> We
> slip into thinking that always being connected<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#899000> is
> going to make us feel less alone.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#902000> But
> we're at risk,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#906000>because
> actually it's the opposite that's true.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#908000> If
> we're not able to be alone,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#911000> we're
> going to be more lonely.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#913000> And
> if we don't teach our children to be alone,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#915000> they're
> only going to know<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#918000> how
> to be lonely.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#920000>
>
> When I spoke at TED in 1996,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#922000> reporting
> on my studies<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#925000> of
> the early virtual communities,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#927000> I
> said, "Those who make the most<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#929000> of
> their lives on the screen<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#932000> come
> to it in a spirit of self-reflection."<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#934000> And
> that's what I'm calling for here, now:<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#937000> reflection
> and, more than that, a conversation<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#940000> about
> where our current use of technology<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#943000> may
> be taking us,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#946000> what
> it might be costing us.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#948000> We're
> smitten with technology.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#950000> And
> we're afraid, like young lovers,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#953000> that
> too much talking might spoil the romance.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#956000> But
> it's time to talk.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#959000> We
> grew up with digital technology<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#961000> and
> so we see it as all grown up.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#964000> But
> it's not, it's early days.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#966000> There's
> plenty of time<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#969000> for
> us to reconsider how we use it,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#971000> how
> we build it.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#973000> I'm
> not suggesting<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#975000> that
> we turn away from our devices,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#977000> just
> that we develop a more self-aware relationship<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#979000> with
> them, with each other<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#982000> and
> with ourselves.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#984000>
>
> I see some first steps.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#987000> Start
> thinking of solitude<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#989000> as
> a good thing.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#991000> Make
> room for it.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#993000> Find
> ways to demonstrate this<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#995000> as
> a value to your children.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#998000> Create
> sacred spaces at home --<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1000000> the
> kitchen, the dining room --<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1002000> and
> reclaim them for conversation.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1004000> Do
> the same thing at work.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1007000>At
> work, we're so busy communicating<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1009000> that
> we often don't have time to think,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1011000> we
> don't have time to talk,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1014000> about
> the things that really matter.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1017000> Change
> that. <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1019000> Most
> important, we all really need to listen to each other,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1021000> including
> to the boring bits.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1025000> Because
> it's when we stumble<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1029000> or
> hesitate or lose our words<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1031000> that
> we reveal ourselves to each other.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1034000>
>
> Technology is making a bid<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1038000> to
> redefine human connection --<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1041000> how
> we care for each other,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1043000>how
> we care for ourselves --<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1045000> but
> it's also giving us the opportunity<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1047000> to
> affirm our values<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1049000> and
> our direction.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1051000> I'm
> optimistic.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1053000> We
> have everything we need to start.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1055000> We
> have each other.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1058000> And
> we have the greatest chance of success<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1060000> if
> we recognize our vulnerability.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1063000> That
> we listen<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1066000>when
> technology says<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1068000> it
> will take something complicated<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1070000> and
> promises something simpler.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1073000>
>
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> hear that life is hard,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1078000> relationships
> are filled with risk.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1081000> And
> then there's technology --<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1083000> simpler,
> hopeful,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1085000> optimistic,
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> online and with avatars,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1094000> you
> can "Finally, love your friends<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1096000> love
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> own communities,<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1139000> our
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> life we can love.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1157000>
>
> Thank you.<http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1159000>
>
>
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