[Oe List ...] Adding to the conversation

[Don Bushman]

James:

Thank you for your thoughtful and heartfelt reflection. I found myself
sitting with your words, with Shelley’s and Marsha's voices still
resonating, and with a deep mix of grief, responsibility, and a longing for
honesty.

There is much in your letter that I recognize in myself—both the gratitude
and the sorrow. Like you, I carry a profound appreciation for the shaping
power of those years: the friendships, the cultural stretching, the vision
that animated so much of what we gave ourselves to. But alongside that, I
now live with the reality that some of what we gave—and some of what we
withheld—left wounds we did not see, and in some cases, may never fully
understand.

I’ve come to believe that many of our children didn’t know how to name what
they were experiencing—especially to parents so absorbed in the mission. We
weren’t cruel. But we were often unavailable in the ways they most needed
us to be. And the culture we built lacked the listening structures to make
space for that kind of truth to emerge. That’s a hard realization. But it’s
real.

And it’s why I’m especially careful, now, not to let my own search for
meaning—or my grief over what we lost—take the place of simply hearing
Shelley and Marsha. What she needs, what so many need, is not our
rationalization of the history. Not even our theology. She needs to be
seen. Heard. Believed. Fully. Without defense.

Something else has become clear to me in these conversations. I've noticed
how often, when we speak of someone feeling ignored or harmed, we shift
into explaining *why* they felt ignored. But that move often obscures the
deeper truth: *they were ignored.* That’s the fact that must be held—not
interpreted, not softened, just seen.

Still, I also remember what we taught of Tillich: that no matter what we
do, we are given grace. That’s not a pass. It’s a path. Grace doesn’t
relieve us from responsibility—it gives us the strength to face it. And
that’s the path I want to stay on: one of truth-telling, repair, and
continued awakening.

We were not wrong to respond to innocent suffering in the world. But in
doing so, we sometimes missed the innocent suffering closest to us. That
contradiction still lives in me. And I believe it’s asking something of us
even now.

With gratitude, and in the spirit of unfinished conversation,
*Don*

Don Bushman

828-292-9696



On Mon, Jun 30, 2025 at 12:58 PM JAMES ADDINGTON via OE <
oe at lists.wedgeblade.net> wrote:

> Thank you, Marsha, for a very thoughtful, frank and brave reflection on
> our life together in the Order. I found it deeply troubling and, at the
> same time, profoundly healing. Ellen and I and our two toddlers joined the
> Order in January 1965 (01-04-65 to be exact). That began a very intense,
> deeply rewarding, and very damaging 20 year journey. Like Bill S, I also am
> very grateful for tools, skills, experiences and friendships that would be
> life altering and life forming. Your parents were very important mentors
> and colleagues to us, especially in the early days. I grieve the callous
> disregard for some aspects of family life and individual development we
> were willing to tolerate in the service of our mission. I especially grieve
> the price my children paid for my vocational commitment. At the same time,
> I am profoundly grateful for the opportunity to experience deeply the
> cultural diversity of our world and the bond of missional collegiality the
> Order provided. Those 20 years propelled a post-Order life that was
> impactful and perhaps a contribution.
>
> Thank you (and Shelly) again, for your courage and directness. This is an
> unfinished and crucial conversation.
> With deep gratitude,
> James Addington
>
> 06/30/2025 7:45 AM PDT Marsha Hahn via OE <oe at lists.wedgeblade.net> wrote:
>
>
> For several months, I have been doing some writing, the intention of which
> was to spur some self-critical reflection about the Order. I had been
> thinking I might send it to the archives, but the last couple of days, as
> David, Shelley, and others have raised challenging but important topics,
> made me decide to go ahead and share it in this forum. If memory serves,
> one of the original purposes of this listserv was to create a space for
> inter-generational dialogue. There hasn't been a lot of that, but here we
> are.
>
>  It's a little too long to include in the body of an email, so I'm
> attaching a PDF.
>
> Hoping it's a helpful contribution to this conversation.
>
> In love and respect,
>
> Marsha
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