<div dir="ltr"><div><div style="font-size:large" class="gmail_default">James:<p>Thank you for your thoughtful and heartfelt reflection. I found myself sitting with your words, with Shelley’s and Marsha's voices still resonating, and with a deep mix of grief, responsibility, and a longing for honesty.</p>
<p>There is much in your letter that I recognize in myself—both the gratitude and the sorrow. Like you, I carry a profound appreciation for the shaping power of those years: the friendships, the cultural stretching, the vision that animated so much of what we gave ourselves to. But alongside that, I now live with the reality that some of what we gave—and some of what we withheld—left wounds we did not see, and in some cases, may never fully understand.</p>
<p>I’ve come to believe that many of our children didn’t know how to name what they were experiencing—especially to parents so absorbed in the mission. We weren’t cruel. But we were often unavailable in the ways they most needed us to be. And the culture we built lacked the listening structures to make space for that kind of truth to emerge. That’s a hard realization. But it’s real.</p>
<p>And it’s why I’m especially careful, now, not to let my own search for meaning—or my grief over what we lost—take the place of simply hearing Shelley and Marsha. What she needs, what so many need, is not our rationalization of the history. Not even our theology. She needs to be seen. Heard. Believed. Fully. Without defense.</p>
<p>Something else has become clear to me in these conversations. I've noticed how often, when we speak of someone feeling ignored or harmed, we shift into explaining <em>why</em> they felt ignored. But that move often obscures the deeper truth: <strong>they were ignored.</strong> That’s the fact that must be held—not interpreted, not softened, just seen.</p>
<p>Still, I also remember what we taught of Tillich: that no matter what we do, we are given grace. That’s not a pass. It’s a path. Grace doesn’t relieve us from responsibility—it gives us the strength to face it. And that’s the path I want to stay on: one of truth-telling, repair, and continued awakening.</p>
<p>We were not wrong to respond to innocent suffering in the world. But in doing so, we sometimes missed the innocent suffering closest to us. That contradiction still lives in me. And I believe it’s asking something of us even now.</p>
<p>With gratitude, and in the spirit of unfinished conversation,<br>
<strong>Don</strong></p>
</div><br clear="all"></div><div><div dir="ltr" class="gmail_signature" data-smartmail="gmail_signature"><div dir="ltr"><div>Don Bushman<br></div><div><img width="96" height="77" src="https://ci3.googleusercontent.com/mail-sig/AIorK4zOIu3LEC6MFTWTu0KY7E502yfIl5gyrUcU9KlzwS-rSnRYeib0f_TPP7f9TiS5-tpufMUq26vAwWag"> <img width="96" height="96" src="https://ci3.googleusercontent.com/mail-sig/AIorK4wgIOy7oWy3z_VRwzsBpODEX3NNQ9JDo77bNqvSsjWJ9GswXJj_6KMPdFE-dzLVIcOLFPbwXCt5GgEQ"><br></div><div>828-292-9696<b><br></b></div><br></div></div></div><br></div><br><div class="gmail_quote gmail_quote_container"><div dir="ltr" class="gmail_attr">On Mon, Jun 30, 2025 at 12:58 PM JAMES ADDINGTON via OE <<a href="mailto:oe@lists.wedgeblade.net">oe@lists.wedgeblade.net</a>> wrote:<br></div><blockquote class="gmail_quote" style="margin:0px 0px 0px 0.8ex;border-left:1px solid rgb(204,204,204);padding-left:1ex"><u></u>
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<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:helvetica,arial,sans-serif;font-size:medium">Thank you, Marsha, for a very thoughtful, frank and brave reflection on our life together in the Order. I found it deeply troubling and, at the same time, profoundly healing. Ellen and I and our two toddlers joined the Order in January 1965 (01-04-65 to be exact). That began a very intense, deeply rewarding, and very damaging 20 year journey. Like Bill S, I also am very grateful for tools, skills, experiences and friendships that would be life altering and life forming. Your parents were very important mentors and colleagues to us, especially in the early days. I grieve the callous disregard for some aspects of family life and individual development we were willing to tolerate in the service of our mission. I especially grieve the price my children paid for my vocational commitment. At the same time, I am profoundly grateful for the opportunity to experience deeply the cultural diversity of our world and the bond of missional collegiality the Order provided. <span>Those</span> 20 years propelled a post-Order life that was impactful and perhaps a contribution. </span>
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<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:helvetica,arial,sans-serif;font-size:medium">Thank you (and Shelly) again, for your courage and directness. This is an unfinished and crucial conversation. </span>
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<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:helvetica,arial,sans-serif;font-size:medium">With deep gratitude, </span>
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<span style="color:rgb(51,51,51);font-family:helvetica,arial,sans-serif;font-size:medium">James Addington </span>
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<span style="font-size:12pt">06/30/2025 7:45 AM PDT Marsha Hahn via OE <<a href="mailto:oe@lists.wedgeblade.net" target="_blank">oe@lists.wedgeblade.net</a>> wrote:</span>
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For several months, I have been doing some writing, the intention of which was to spur some self-critical reflection about the Order. I had been thinking I might send it to the archives, but the last couple of days, as David, Shelley, and others have raised challenging but important topics, made me decide to go ahead and share it in this forum. If memory serves, one of the original purposes of this listserv was to create a space for inter-generational dialogue. There hasn't been a lot of that, but here we are.
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It's a little too long to include in the body of an email, so I'm attaching a PDF.
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Hoping it's a helpful contribution to this conversation.
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In love and respect,
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Marsha
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