[Oe List ...] OE Digest, Vol 93, Issue 12
Lawrence Philbrook
icalarry at gmail.com
Sat Dec 14 20:02:30 PST 2019
Dick
Thank you for this witness
I am sorry I left without stopping to see you
You and Sally have been a joy to be friends and colleagues and also
important to my journey
Sally and I were together in Salt Lake the year before I left for India and
our families have bee friends even longer.
Seva Lloyd Evelyn Lela and I were having a conversation about the death
course just before Sally died.
I would appreciate joining in
With love and respect, Larry
>From Beijing
On Sun, Dec 15, 2019, 10:44 <oe-request at lists.wedgeblade.net> wrote:
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> Today's Topics:
>
> 1. Birthday Witness (Richard Alton)
> 2. Re: Birthday Witness (Robertson Work)
> 3. Re: [Dialogue] Birthday Witness (Jack Gilles)
> 4. Re: Birthday Witness (McCabe, Diann A)
> 5. Re: [Dialogue] Fwd: Birthday Witness (Ellie Stock)
>
>
>
> ---------- Forwarded message ----------
> From: Richard Alton <richard.alton at gmail.com>
> To: Order Ecumenical Community <oe at lists.wedgeblade.net>,
> ica-dialogue at igc.topica.com
> Cc:
> Bcc:
> Date: Sat, 14 Dec 2019 16:57:57 -0600
> Subject: [Oe List ...] Birthday Witness
>
> *Death up Close*
>
> It has been a rough year. Late in 2018 I fell off my bike and headed to
> the doctor to make sure I was okay. From a CT scan discovered two lung
> spots- four months of CT scans, a PET scan and a biopsy, (which caused a
> collapsed lung) to find out it was nothing the doctors were concerned
> about. But it generated a lot of thinking about my end of life, and death.
> Even went to a Church class on sharing what you have done or need to do to
> get ready for your funeral.
>
> Then Jim Stovall, Sally’s brother (10 years in the Order), came down with
> stage 4 cirrhosis of the liver. They worked on a liver replacement, but
> Jim’s body became toxic and he died in April of this year. Then in May,
> Sally (significant other for 14 years) had a major stroke and died- just to
> give you a feel for this death up close:
>
> Sally, nothing basically wrong...just general 70-year health problems... a
> little issue with high blood pressure but controlled by pills. She was
> getting ready for a meeting and I came into the bedroom and she was on the
> bed- said she got dizzy in the bathroom and just barely made it to the bed.
> She said she had a headache (her speech was a little slurred) and wanted
> two aspirins- I gave them to her and left her on the bed for 15 minutes-
> came back and she wanted to eat something- sure- but she could not get up
> except her left arm- I grabbed her arm but she was not able to make it up-
> I called ambulance-we got to the hospital- she had a massive stroke with
> major brain bleeding... from local Western Suburban Hospital took her
> downtown by ambulance to Rush (Chicago stroke Hospital). Arrived at
> Hospital by 10:30pm and they determined she had lost most of her brain
> function. We kept her on a breathing tube until her sister and daughter
> arrived the next day and pulled tube after a prayer service with her pastor
> Marti, Pam Bergdall, Carol (sister), Teresa (daughter), George Emerick
> (Teresa’s father) and myself. Sally lasted about 15 minutes. In a way it
> was great, it was quick. She was unconscious almost immediately at 730pm
> Monday night and pronounced dead at 4:27pm the next day, May 21st.. a great
> life
>
> But I wasn’t prepared for the HOLE that was blown in my life with the loss
> of my partner of 14 years. And in the midst of this emotional loss, I have
> had to spend the last 7 months taking care of the aftereffects of Sally’s
> death and re-organizing my life. So, my learnings from these 3 death
> experiences (I count my lung problem as a near death):
>
> 1.
>
> 1) In all 3 events I was struck how unprepared we are for death both
> in handling others deaths or our own. We are overwhelmed by the loss of our
> loved one to deal with what is the most important event of our or their
> lives. How can we pay so little attention to expressing the meaning and
> purpose of this glorious life we have had?
> 2.
>
> 2) Second, death is usually hidden and then burst into our lives.
> Death is wicked how fast it comes and how it is all consuming and leaves
> little room for preparation or even thought. Sally’s stroke was
> unannounced, and she was gone in less that 12 hours. Jim Stovall was in a
> hospital fighting a losing battle for his life and Sally and his family
> were totally consumed with his care. It is hidden in that we do not
> want to even consider this end or admit to our finitude and mortality. The
> hiddenness from death, from this final power cuts us off from our journey
> leaves us shocked and disoriented in thinking/preparing to have a
> meaningful ending
>
> 3) What happens is professionals that deal a lot with death step in
> and organize the readings, the message, the music, the witness, the
> reception as the family and friends are frozen in losing a beloved one.
> When you read Matthew’s The Time My Father Died and Matthews gets mad at
> what the funeral home had done to his father. The issue is not the funeral
> home but rather Joseph had not thought through his father’s death.
>
> [image: page2image6769664]
>
> In the case of Sally, since I had been thinking about my own death- I
> asked ICA’s Seva Gandhi to do one of the Memorial Services witnesses to
> Sally’s life. I asked her to reflect on Sally’s time in the Order, the
> Ecumenical Institute and Institute of Cultural Affairs. Seva did a great
> job capturing Sally’s thankfulness for being in a religious community and
> how she engaged herself as being part of a global servant force that was
> out to care for the poorest of the poor. I was so pleased that it seemed to
> hold the depth, wonder and uniqueness of her existence;
>
> - Sally loved the religious house and the community, interaction,
> structures it brought her life.
> -
> - Sally loved the town meetings and her engaging the small towns
> across Utah. She had an amazing memory of those small town meetings and
> especially the songs.
> -
> - It was clear that Sally had found purpose in her life and was sent
> to make a difference in this world. Others sensed this too. Was pretty
> obvious when she died on a Tuesday and the next day, Wednesday, we held a
> prayer service with 100 people showing up and talked and talked about what
> Sally meant to their lives. And then that Saturday at her Memorial Service
> 250 people showed up many unknown to us... people were standing in the
> Church aisles
>
> But my lesson learned through all of this is that we need to take
> ownership of our death and the message (word) it brings to others. I have
> worked on my funeral: like to have the Daily Office liturgy, DH Lawrence’s
> Not I, Not I But a New Wind Blowing Through Me read, decided what I like to
> have read from the NT and the OT and who and what would like have sung plus
> a witness-one being the ICA. For Sally’s Memorial Service her children
> pulled together a slide show that was fabulous. Need to do that.
>
> I think the basic message is that we need to get our deaths thought
> through.
> So 3 deaths (actually Sally’s sister died the year before) and a funeral
> class has
>
> made death up close as a reality. Overwhelming experience; need to bring
> intentionality and attentionally to our deaths and the death needs to speak
> the “Word”. So from this experience and dialogue I have joined with others
> to form a “Death Team” (Pam Bergdall and Seva Gandhi- who says death is
> always on her mind), We are proposing a quarterly death webinar or more
> like a death sharing circle to get our deaths in shape...it has been said
> that facing up to death also makes for a better life. What think you?
>
> Dick Alton, RS-1, 1968, born December 14, 1941
>
> --
> Richard H. T. Alton
> One Earth Film Fest ( OEFF)
> Green Community Connections
> Interfaith Green Network
> T: 773.344.7172
> richard.alton at gmail.com
> **Save the Date! One Earth Film Festival 2019, March 1-10*
> http:www.oneearthfilmfestival.org
>
> Make Plain the Vision, Habakkuh 2:2
>
>
>
> ---------- Forwarded message ----------
> From: Robertson Work <warkers at msn.com>
> To: Order Ecumenical Community <oe at lists.wedgeblade.net>, "
> ica-dialogue at igc.topica.com" <ica-dialogue at igc.topica.com>, "
> dialogue at lists.wedgeblade.net" <dialogue at lists.wedgeblade.net>
> Cc:
> Bcc:
> Date: Sun, 15 Dec 2019 00:58:22 +0000
> Subject: Re: [Oe List ...] Birthday Witness
> My dear brother Dick,
>
> Blessings on you, Dick, in your grief and gratitude, over the passing of
> your beloved Sally. It is so very hard. My Mary passed away 16 years ago
> and it is forever fresh. I love your proposal of a "Death Team." Count me
> in.
>
> What I am saying these days is that I want to make Death my friend, to
> remind me every second that every second counts. How do we each live life
> to the fullest each and every moment and day? The greatest memorial we can
> have is not a memorial service but a lifetime of service for people and
> planet, especially at this critical moment in history and evolution when
> humanity and many of our fellow Earthlings are threatened with extinction.
> Civilizations are born and die. Planets are born and die. Impermanence is
> part of the very essence of being a living being in this mysterious
> universe.
>
> Much love to all,
>
> Rob
>
>
>
> ................................................................................................
>
> Recent book: *A Compassionate Civilization: The Urgency of Sustainable
> Development and Mindful Activism - Reflections and Recommendations*
> https://www.amazon.com/dp/1546972617
>
> Blog: https://compassionatecivilization.blogspot.com/
> <https://compassionatecivilization.blogspot.com/>
> <https://compassionatecivilization.blogspot.com/>
>
> LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robertsonwork/
>
> Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/compassionatecivilization/
>
> ------------------------------
> *From:* OE <oe-bounces at lists.wedgeblade.net> on behalf of Richard Alton
> via OE <oe at lists.wedgeblade.net>
> *Sent:* Saturday, December 14, 2019 5:57 PM
> *To:* Order Ecumenical Community <oe at lists.wedgeblade.net>;
> ica-dialogue at igc.topica.com <ica-dialogue at igc.topica.com>
> *Cc:* Richard Alton <richard.alton at gmail.com>
> *Subject:* [Oe List ...] Birthday Witness
>
>
> *Death up Close*
>
> It has been a rough year. Late in 2018 I fell off my bike and headed to
> the doctor to make sure I was okay. From a CT scan discovered two lung
> spots- four months of CT scans, a PET scan and a biopsy, (which caused a
> collapsed lung) to find out it was nothing the doctors were concerned
> about. But it generated a lot of thinking about my end of life, and death.
> Even went to a Church class on sharing what you have done or need to do to
> get ready for your funeral.
>
> Then Jim Stovall, Sally’s brother (10 years in the Order), came down with
> stage 4 cirrhosis of the liver. They worked on a liver replacement, but
> Jim’s body became toxic and he died in April of this year. Then in May,
> Sally (significant other for 14 years) had a major stroke and died- just to
> give you a feel for this death up close:
>
> Sally, nothing basically wrong...just general 70-year health problems... a
> little issue with high blood pressure but controlled by pills. She was
> getting ready for a meeting and I came into the bedroom and she was on the
> bed- said she got dizzy in the bathroom and just barely made it to the bed.
> She said she had a headache (her speech was a little slurred) and wanted
> two aspirins- I gave them to her and left her on the bed for 15 minutes-
> came back and she wanted to eat something- sure- but she could not get up
> except her left arm- I grabbed her arm but she was not able to make it up-
> I called ambulance-we got to the hospital- she had a massive stroke with
> major brain bleeding... from local Western Suburban Hospital took her
> downtown by ambulance to Rush (Chicago stroke Hospital). Arrived at
> Hospital by 10:30pm and they determined she had lost most of her brain
> function. We kept her on a breathing tube until her sister and daughter
> arrived the next day and pulled tube after a prayer service with her pastor
> Marti, Pam Bergdall, Carol (sister), Teresa (daughter), George Emerick
> (Teresa’s father) and myself. Sally lasted about 15 minutes. In a way it
> was great, it was quick. She was unconscious almost immediately at 730pm
> Monday night and pronounced dead at 4:27pm the next day, May 21st.. a great
> life
>
> But I wasn’t prepared for the HOLE that was blown in my life with the loss
> of my partner of 14 years. And in the midst of this emotional loss, I have
> had to spend the last 7 months taking care of the aftereffects of Sally’s
> death and re-organizing my life. So, my learnings from these 3 death
> experiences (I count my lung problem as a near death):
>
> 1.
>
> 1) In all 3 events I was struck how unprepared we are for death both
> in handling others deaths or our own. We are overwhelmed by the loss of our
> loved one to deal with what is the most important event of our or their
> lives. How can we pay so little attention to expressing the meaning and
> purpose of this glorious life we have had?
> 2.
>
> 2) Second, death is usually hidden and then burst into our lives.
> Death is wicked how fast it comes and how it is all consuming and leaves
> little room for preparation or even thought. Sally’s stroke was
> unannounced, and she was gone in less that 12 hours. Jim Stovall was in a
> hospital fighting a losing battle for his life and Sally and his family
> were totally consumed with his care. It is hidden in that we do not
> want to even consider this end or admit to our finitude and mortality. The
> hiddenness from death, from this final power cuts us off from our journey
> leaves us shocked and disoriented in thinking/preparing to have a
> meaningful ending
>
> 3) What happens is professionals that deal a lot with death step in
> and organize the readings, the message, the music, the witness, the
> reception as the family and friends are frozen in losing a beloved one.
> When you read Matthew’s The Time My Father Died and Matthews gets mad at
> what the funeral home had done to his father. The issue is not the funeral
> home but rather Joseph had not thought through his father’s death.
>
> [image: page2image6769664]
>
> In the case of Sally, since I had been thinking about my own death- I
> asked ICA’s Seva Gandhi to do one of the Memorial Services witnesses to
> Sally’s life. I asked her to reflect on Sally’s time in the Order, the
> Ecumenical Institute and Institute of Cultural Affairs. Seva did a great
> job capturing Sally’s thankfulness for being in a religious community and
> how she engaged herself as being part of a global servant force that was
> out to care for the poorest of the poor. I was so pleased that it seemed to
> hold the depth, wonder and uniqueness of her existence;
>
> - Sally loved the religious house and the community, interaction,
> structures it brought her life.
> -
> - Sally loved the town meetings and her engaging the small towns
> across Utah. She had an amazing memory of those small town meetings and
> especially the songs.
> -
> - It was clear that Sally had found purpose in her life and was sent
> to make a difference in this world. Others sensed this too. Was pretty
> obvious when she died on a Tuesday and the next day, Wednesday, we held a
> prayer service with 100 people showing up and talked and talked about what
> Sally meant to their lives. And then that Saturday at her Memorial Service
> 250 people showed up many unknown to us... people were standing in the
> Church aisles
>
> But my lesson learned through all of this is that we need to take
> ownership of our death and the message (word) it brings to others. I have
> worked on my funeral: like to have the Daily Office liturgy, DH Lawrence’s
> Not I, Not I But a New Wind Blowing Through Me read, decided what I like to
> have read from the NT and the OT and who and what would like have sung plus
> a witness-one being the ICA. For Sally’s Memorial Service her children
> pulled together a slide show that was fabulous. Need to do that.
>
> I think the basic message is that we need to get our deaths thought
> through.
> So 3 deaths (actually Sally’s sister died the year before) and a funeral
> class has
>
> made death up close as a reality. Overwhelming experience; need to bring
> intentionality and attentionally to our deaths and the death needs to speak
> the “Word”. So from this experience and dialogue I have joined with others
> to form a “Death Team” (Pam Bergdall and Seva Gandhi- who says death is
> always on her mind), We are proposing a quarterly death webinar or more
> like a death sharing circle to get our deaths in shape...it has been said
> that facing up to death also makes for a better life. What think you?
>
> Dick Alton, RS-1, 1968, born December 14, 1941
>
> --
> Richard H. T. Alton
> One Earth Film Fest ( OEFF)
> Green Community Connections
> Interfaith Green Network
> T: 773.344.7172
> richard.alton at gmail.com
> **Save the Date! One Earth Film Festival 2019, March 1-10*
> http:www.oneearthfilmfestival.org
> <https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.oneearthfilmfestival.org&data=02%7C01%7C%7C2df1d4485c5641b7f1f708d780e91aa6%7C84df9e7fe9f640afb435aaaaaaaaaaaa%7C1%7C0%7C637119611137161868&sdata=AL6mXiuLCgS0j%2Fo4SubVac18hiHtrVHghNxMRvPdYIc%3D&reserved=0>
>
> Make Plain the Vision, Habakkuh 2:2
>
>
>
> ---------- Forwarded message ----------
> From: Jack Gilles <jackcgilles at gmail.com>
> To: Frank Cookingham via Dialogue <dialogue at lists.wedgeblade.net>
> Cc: OE Listserve <oe at lists.wedgeblade.net>, "ica-dialogue at igc.topica.com"
> <ica-dialogue at igc.topica.com>, Rob Work <warkers at msn.com>
> Bcc:
> Date: Sat, 14 Dec 2019 19:02:20 -0600
> Subject: Re: [Oe List ...] [Dialogue] Birthday Witness
> Dick,
>
> What an appropriate Birthday witness! I found it magnificent. I too want
> to join the group discussion on this.
>
> Thanks so much!!
>
> Peace,
>
> Jack
>
> On Dec 14, 2019, at 18:58, Robertson Work via Dialogue <
> dialogue at lists.wedgeblade.net> wrote:
>
> My dear brother Dick,
>
> Blessings on you, Dick, in your grief and gratitude, over the passing of
> your beloved Sally. It is so very hard. My Mary passed away 16 years ago
> and it is forever fresh. I love your proposal of a "Death Team." Count me
> in.
>
> What I am saying these days is that I want to make Death my friend, to
> remind me every second that every second counts. How do we each live life
> to the fullest each and every moment and day? The greatest memorial we can
> have is not a memorial service but a lifetime of service for people and
> planet, especially at this critical moment in history and evolution when
> humanity and many of our fellow Earthlings are threatened with extinction.
> Civilizations are born and die. Planets are born and die. Impermanence is
> part of the very essence of being a living being in this mysterious
> universe.
>
> Much love to all,
>
> Rob
>
>
>
> ................................................................................................
> Recent book: *A Compassionate Civilization: The Urgency of Sustainable
> Development and Mindful Activism - Reflections and Recommendations*
> https://www.amazon.com/dp/1546972617
> Blog: https://compassionatecivilization.blogspot.com/
> <https://compassionatecivilization.blogspot.com/>
> <https://compassionatecivilization.blogspot.com/>
> LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robertsonwork/
> Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/compassionatecivilization/
>
> ------------------------------
> *From:* OE <oe-bounces at lists.wedgeblade.net> on behalf of Richard Alton
> via OE <oe at lists.wedgeblade.net>
> *Sent:* Saturday, December 14, 2019 5:57 PM
> *To:* Order Ecumenical Community <oe at lists.wedgeblade.net>;
> ica-dialogue at igc.topica.com <ica-dialogue at igc.topica.com>
> *Cc:* Richard Alton <richard.alton at gmail.com>
> *Subject:* [Oe List ...] Birthday Witness
>
> *Death up Close*
> It has been a rough year. Late in 2018 I fell off my bike and headed to
> the doctor to make sure I was okay. From a CT scan discovered two lung
> spots- four months of CT scans, a PET scan and a biopsy, (which caused a
> collapsed lung) to find out it was nothing the doctors were concerned
> about. But it generated a lot of thinking about my end of life, and death.
> Even went to a Church class on sharing what you have done or need to do to
> get ready for your funeral.
> Then Jim Stovall, Sally’s brother (10 years in the Order), came down with
> stage 4 cirrhosis of the liver. They worked on a liver replacement, but
> Jim’s body became toxic and he died in April of this year. Then in May,
> Sally (significant other for 14 years) had a major stroke and died- just to
> give you a feel for this death up close:
> Sally, nothing basically wrong...just general 70-year health problems... a
> little issue with high blood pressure but controlled by pills. She was
> getting ready for a meeting and I came into the bedroom and she was on the
> bed- said she got dizzy in the bathroom and just barely made it to the bed.
> She said she had a headache (her speech was a little slurred) and wanted
> two aspirins- I gave them to her and left her on the bed for 15 minutes-
> came back and she wanted to eat something- sure- but she could not get up
> except her left arm- I grabbed her arm but she was not able to make it up-
> I called ambulance-we got to the hospital- she had a massive stroke with
> major brain bleeding... from local Western Suburban Hospital took her
> downtown by ambulance to Rush (Chicago stroke Hospital). Arrived at
> Hospital by 10:30pm and they determined she had lost most of her brain
> function. We kept her on a breathing tube until her sister and daughter
> arrived the next day and pulled tube after a prayer service with her pastor
> Marti, Pam Bergdall, Carol (sister), Teresa (daughter), George Emerick
> (Teresa’s father) and myself. Sally lasted about 15 minutes. In a way it
> was great, it was quick. She was unconscious almost immediately at 730pm
> Monday night and pronounced dead at 4:27pm the next day, May 21st.. a great
> life
> But I wasn’t prepared for the HOLE that was blown in my life with the loss
> of my partner of 14 years. And in the midst of this emotional loss, I have
> had to spend the last 7 months taking care of the aftereffects of Sally’s
> death and re-organizing my life. So, my learnings from these 3 death
> experiences (I count my lung problem as a near death):
>
> 1. 1) In all 3 events I was struck how unprepared we are for death
> both in handling others deaths or our own. We are overwhelmed by the loss
> of our loved one to deal with what is the most important event of our or
> their lives. How can we pay so little attention to expressing the meaning
> and purpose of this glorious life we have had?
> 2. 2) Second, death is usually hidden and then burst into our lives.
> Death is wicked how fast it comes and how it is all consuming and leaves
> little room for preparation or even thought. Sally’s stroke was
> unannounced, and she was gone in less that 12 hours. Jim Stovall was in a
> hospital fighting a losing battle for his life and Sally and his family
> were totally consumed with his care. It is hidden in that we do not
> want to even consider this end or admit to our finitude and mortality. The
> hiddenness from death, from this final power cuts us off from our journey
> leaves us shocked and disoriented in thinking/preparing to have a
> meaningful ending
> 3) What happens is professionals that deal a lot with death step in
> and organize the readings, the message, the music, the witness, the
> reception as the family and friends are frozen in losing a beloved one.
> When you read Matthew’s The Time My Father Died and Matthews gets mad at
> what the funeral home had done to his father. The issue is not the funeral
> home but rather Joseph had not thought through his father’s death.
>
> [image: page2image6769664]
> In the case of Sally, since I had been thinking about my own death- I
> asked ICA’s Seva Gandhi to do one of the Memorial Services witnesses to
> Sally’s life. I asked her to reflect on Sally’s time in the Order, the
> Ecumenical Institute and Institute of Cultural Affairs. Seva did a great
> job capturing Sally’s thankfulness for being in a religious community and
> how she engaged herself as being part of a global servant force that was
> out to care for the poorest of the poor. I was so pleased that it seemed to
> hold the depth, wonder and uniqueness of her existence;
>
> - Sally loved the religious house and the community, interaction,
> structures it brought her life.
> -
> - Sally loved the town meetings and her engaging the small towns
> across Utah. She had an amazing memory of those small town meetings and
> especially the songs.
> -
> - It was clear that Sally had found purpose in her life and was sent
> to make a difference in this world. Others sensed this too. Was pretty
> obvious when she died on a Tuesday and the next day, Wednesday, we held a
> prayer service with 100 people showing up and talked and talked about what
> Sally meant to their lives. And then that Saturday at her Memorial Service
> 250 people showed up many unknown to us... people were standing in the
> Church aisles
>
> But my lesson learned through all of this is that we need to take
> ownership of our death and the message (word) it brings to others. I have
> worked on my funeral: like to have the Daily Office liturgy, DH Lawrence’s
> Not I, Not I But a New Wind Blowing Through Me read, decided what I like to
> have read from the NT and the OT and who and what would like have sung plus
> a witness-one being the ICA. For Sally’s Memorial Service her children
> pulled together a slide show that was fabulous. Need to do that.
> I think the basic message is that we need to get our deaths thought
> through.
> So 3 deaths (actually Sally’s sister died the year before) and a funeral
> class has
> made death up close as a reality. Overwhelming experience; need to bring
> intentionality and attentionally to our deaths and the death needs to speak
> the “Word”. So from this experience and dialogue I have joined with others
> to form a “Death Team” (Pam Bergdall and Seva Gandhi- who says death is
> always on her mind), We are proposing a quarterly death webinar or more
> like a death sharing circle to get our deaths in shape...it has been said
> that facing up to death also makes for a better life. What think you?
> Dick Alton, RS-1, 1968, born December 14, 1941
>
> --
> Richard H. T. Alton
> One Earth Film Fest ( OEFF)
> Green Community Connections
> Interfaith Green Network
> T: 773.344.7172
> richard.alton at gmail.com
> **Save the Date! One Earth Film Festival 2019, March 1-10*
> http:www.oneearthfilmfestival.org
> <https://eur03.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.oneearthfilmfestival.org&data=02%7C01%7C%7C2df1d4485c5641b7f1f708d780e91aa6%7C84df9e7fe9f640afb435aaaaaaaaaaaa%7C1%7C0%7C637119611137161868&sdata=AL6mXiuLCgS0j%2Fo4SubVac18hiHtrVHghNxMRvPdYIc%3D&reserved=0>
>
> Make Plain the Vision, Habakkuh 2:2
> _______________________________________________
> Dialogue mailing list
> Dialogue at lists.wedgeblade.net
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>
>
> ---------- Forwarded message ----------
> From: "McCabe, Diann A" <dm14 at txstate.edu>
> To: Order Ecumenical Community <oe at lists.wedgeblade.net>, "
> ica-dialogue at igc.topica.com" <ica-dialogue at igc.topica.com>
> Cc:
> Bcc:
> Date: Sun, 15 Dec 2019 01:17:51 +0000
> Subject: Re: [Oe List ...] Birthday Witness
> Thank you, Dick. I am interested in participating in the death webinar if
> possible. The idea of being prepared has been on my mind but slides away
> with "doing." Thanks for centering it again.--Diann McCabe
> ------------------------------
> *From:* OE <oe-bounces at lists.wedgeblade.net> on behalf of Richard Alton
> via OE <oe at lists.wedgeblade.net>
> *Sent:* Saturday, December 14, 2019 4:57 PM
> *To:* Order Ecumenical Community <oe at lists.wedgeblade.net>;
> ica-dialogue at igc.topica.com <ica-dialogue at igc.topica.com>
> *Cc:* Richard Alton <richard.alton at gmail.com>
> *Subject:* [Oe List ...] Birthday Witness
>
>
> *Death up Close*
>
> It has been a rough year. Late in 2018 I fell off my bike and headed to
> the doctor to make sure I was okay. From a CT scan discovered two lung
> spots- four months of CT scans, a PET scan and a biopsy, (which caused a
> collapsed lung) to find out it was nothing the doctors were concerned
> about. But it generated a lot of thinking about my end of life, and death.
> Even went to a Church class on sharing what you have done or need to do to
> get ready for your funeral.
>
> Then Jim Stovall, Sally’s brother (10 years in the Order), came down with
> stage 4 cirrhosis of the liver. They worked on a liver replacement, but
> Jim’s body became toxic and he died in April of this year. Then in May,
> Sally (significant other for 14 years) had a major stroke and died- just to
> give you a feel for this death up close:
>
> Sally, nothing basically wrong...just general 70-year health problems... a
> little issue with high blood pressure but controlled by pills. She was
> getting ready for a meeting and I came into the bedroom and she was on the
> bed- said she got dizzy in the bathroom and just barely made it to the bed.
> She said she had a headache (her speech was a little slurred) and wanted
> two aspirins- I gave them to her and left her on the bed for 15 minutes-
> came back and she wanted to eat something- sure- but she could not get up
> except her left arm- I grabbed her arm but she was not able to make it up-
> I called ambulance-we got to the hospital- she had a massive stroke with
> major brain bleeding... from local Western Suburban Hospital took her
> downtown by ambulance to Rush (Chicago stroke Hospital). Arrived at
> Hospital by 10:30pm and they determined she had lost most of her brain
> function. We kept her on a breathing tube until her sister and daughter
> arrived the next day and pulled tube after a prayer service with her pastor
> Marti, Pam Bergdall, Carol (sister), Teresa (daughter), George Emerick
> (Teresa’s father) and myself. Sally lasted about 15 minutes. In a way it
> was great, it was quick. She was unconscious almost immediately at 730pm
> Monday night and pronounced dead at 4:27pm the next day, May 21st.. a great
> life
>
> But I wasn’t prepared for the HOLE that was blown in my life with the loss
> of my partner of 14 years. And in the midst of this emotional loss, I have
> had to spend the last 7 months taking care of the aftereffects of Sally’s
> death and re-organizing my life. So, my learnings from these 3 death
> experiences (I count my lung problem as a near death):
>
> 1.
>
> 1) In all 3 events I was struck how unprepared we are for death both
> in handling others deaths or our own. We are overwhelmed by the loss of our
> loved one to deal with what is the most important event of our or their
> lives. How can we pay so little attention to expressing the meaning and
> purpose of this glorious life we have had?
> 2.
>
> 2) Second, death is usually hidden and then burst into our lives.
> Death is wicked how fast it comes and how it is all consuming and leaves
> little room for preparation or even thought. Sally’s stroke was
> unannounced, and she was gone in less that 12 hours. Jim Stovall was in a
> hospital fighting a losing battle for his life and Sally and his family
> were totally consumed with his care. It is hidden in that we do not
> want to even consider this end or admit to our finitude and mortality. The
> hiddenness from death, from this final power cuts us off from our journey
> leaves us shocked and disoriented in thinking/preparing to have a
> meaningful ending
>
> 3) What happens is professionals that deal a lot with death step in
> and organize the readings, the message, the music, the witness, the
> reception as the family and friends are frozen in losing a beloved one.
> When you read Matthew’s The Time My Father Died and Matthews gets mad at
> what the funeral home had done to his father. The issue is not the funeral
> home but rather Joseph had not thought through his father’s death.
>
> [image: page2image6769664]
>
> In the case of Sally, since I had been thinking about my own death- I
> asked ICA’s Seva Gandhi to do one of the Memorial Services witnesses to
> Sally’s life. I asked her to reflect on Sally’s time in the Order, the
> Ecumenical Institute and Institute of Cultural Affairs. Seva did a great
> job capturing Sally’s thankfulness for being in a religious community and
> how she engaged herself as being part of a global servant force that was
> out to care for the poorest of the poor. I was so pleased that it seemed to
> hold the depth, wonder and uniqueness of her existence;
>
> - Sally loved the religious house and the community, interaction,
> structures it brought her life.
> -
> - Sally loved the town meetings and her engaging the small towns
> across Utah. She had an amazing memory of those small town meetings and
> especially the songs.
> -
> - It was clear that Sally had found purpose in her life and was sent
> to make a difference in this world. Others sensed this too. Was pretty
> obvious when she died on a Tuesday and the next day, Wednesday, we held a
> prayer service with 100 people showing up and talked and talked about what
> Sally meant to their lives. And then that Saturday at her Memorial Service
> 250 people showed up many unknown to us... people were standing in the
> Church aisles
>
> But my lesson learned through all of this is that we need to take
> ownership of our death and the message (word) it brings to others. I have
> worked on my funeral: like to have the Daily Office liturgy, DH Lawrence’s
> Not I, Not I But a New Wind Blowing Through Me read, decided what I like to
> have read from the NT and the OT and who and what would like have sung plus
> a witness-one being the ICA. For Sally’s Memorial Service her children
> pulled together a slide show that was fabulous. Need to do that.
>
> I think the basic message is that we need to get our deaths thought
> through.
> So 3 deaths (actually Sally’s sister died the year before) and a funeral
> class has
>
> made death up close as a reality. Overwhelming experience; need to bring
> intentionality and attentionally to our deaths and the death needs to speak
> the “Word”. So from this experience and dialogue I have joined with others
> to form a “Death Team” (Pam Bergdall and Seva Gandhi- who says death is
> always on her mind), We are proposing a quarterly death webinar or more
> like a death sharing circle to get our deaths in shape...it has been said
> that facing up to death also makes for a better life. What think you?
>
> Dick Alton, RS-1, 1968, born December 14, 1941
>
> --
> Richard H. T. Alton
> One Earth Film Fest ( OEFF)
> Green Community Connections
> Interfaith Green Network
> T: 773.344.7172
> richard.alton at gmail.com
> **Save the Date! One Earth Film Festival 2019, March 1-10*
> http:www.oneearthfilmfestival.org
> <https://nam04.safelinks.protection.outlook.com/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.oneearthfilmfestival.org&data=02%7C01%7Cdm14%40txstate.edu%7C8be79877c80f4fd33bf508d780e919b7%7Cb19c134a14c94d4caf65c420f94c8cbb%7C0%7C0%7C637119611428319985&sdata=Ley%2Bt7U8ihYYvm6Ftra0iuG1MscCcSpLd4ZTQMCXHI4%3D&reserved=0>
>
> Make Plain the Vision, Habakkuh 2:2
>
>
>
> ---------- Forwarded message ----------
> From: Ellie Stock <elliestock at aol.com>
> To: dialogue at lists.wedgeblade.net, oe at lists.wedgeblade.net
> Cc:
> Bcc:
> Date: Sun, 15 Dec 2019 02:44:41 +0000 (UTC)
> Subject: Re: [Oe List ...] [Dialogue] Fwd: Birthday Witness
> Hi Dick,
>
> Thank you for your birthday witness, pondering your death
> experiences--what a year it has been for you. The news of Sally's death
> came as a shock, as we had seen you both the summer before.
>
> So many ways to ponder death...whether it be the loss of a beloved, the
> violence held up in the daily news, the slow deaths of friends and family
> members suffering from terminal illness, the suffering of others and Earth
> itself or dying to the self in servanthood--all hold a mirror to the
> fragility of our own lives and ask the question: how shall we then live?
>
> I recall reading Castaneda--death being a friend, looking over our
> shoulder...death bringing life into sharp focus. I also remember Matthews
> saying if you can't picture yourself on a cold cement slab, you won't be
> able to risk or give yourself to anything. So we are ultimately talking
> about life...
>
> So your sharing catalyzes pondering in all of us...
>
> A reflection from 1967...
>
>
> life
>
> death fears not death.
> death fears not dying—
> or dying fears living
> and living fears birth
> and birth fears love
> and love fears knowing
> then love is not love
> and free is not free
> and knowing fears senses
> and sense rewombs in isolation
> and senseless perpetuation
> on pumiced islands
> where green and red
> no longer bear fertile brown
> but miscarry zebra-striped lava,
> charring wild blossoms of
> sensitivity and intelligibility
> rooted in destructivity,
> and poof! and perhaps pow!
> sizzling, sinking, and ominous silence seal
> a watery sepulcher
> mourned by black and blue—
> if death fears dying.
> ejh
>
> Grace and peace ~
>
> Ellie :)
> elliestock at aol.com
>
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Richard Alton via Dialogue <dialogue at lists.wedgeblade.net>
> To: Colleague Dialogue <dialogue at lists.wedgeblade.net>
> Cc: Richard Alton <richard.alton at gmail.com>
> Sent: Sat, Dec 14, 2019 4:59 pm
> Subject: [Dialogue] Fwd: Birthday Witness
>
> *Death up Close*
> It has been a rough year. Late in 2018 I fell off my bike and headed to
> the doctor to make sure I was okay. From a CT scan discovered two lung
> spots- four months of CT scans, a PET scan and a biopsy, (which caused a
> collapsed lung) to find out it was nothing the doctors were concerned
> about. But it generated a lot of thinking about my end of life, and death.
> Even went to a Church class on sharing what you have done or need to do to
> get ready for your funeral.
> Then Jim Stovall, Sally’s brother (10 years in the Order), came down with
> stage 4 cirrhosis of the liver. They worked on a liver replacement, but
> Jim’s body became toxic and he died in April of this year. Then in May,
> Sally (significant other for 14 years) had a major stroke and died- just to
> give you a feel for this death up close:
> Sally, nothing basically wrong...just general 70-year health problems... a
> little issue with high blood pressure but controlled by pills. She was
> getting ready for a meeting and I came into the bedroom and she was on the
> bed- said she got dizzy in the bathroom and just barely made it to the bed.
> She said she had a headache (her speech was a little slurred) and wanted
> two aspirins- I gave them to her and left her on the bed for 15 minutes-
> came back and she wanted to eat something- sure- but she could not get up
> except her left arm- I grabbed her arm but she was not able to make it up-
> I called ambulance-we got to the hospital- she had a massive stroke with
> major brain bleeding... from local Western Suburban Hospital took her
> downtown by ambulance to Rush (Chicago stroke Hospital). Arrived at
> Hospital by 10:30pm and they determined she had lost most of her brain
> function. We kept her on a breathing tube until her sister and daughter
> arrived the next day and pulled tube after a prayer service with her pastor
> Marti, Pam Bergdall, Carol (sister), Teresa (daughter), George Emerick
> (Teresa’s father) and myself. Sally lasted about 15 minutes. In a way it
> was great, it was quick. She was unconscious almost immediately at 730pm
> Monday night and pronounced dead at 4:27pm the next day, May 21st.. a great
> life
> But I wasn’t prepared for the HOLE that was blown in my life with the loss
> of my partner of 14 years. And in the midst of this emotional loss, I have
> had to spend the last 7 months taking care of the aftereffects of Sally’s
> death and re-organizing my life. So, my learnings from these 3 death
> experiences (I count my lung problem as a near death):
>
> 1. 1) In all 3 events I was struck how unprepared we are for death
> both in handling others deaths or our own. We are overwhelmed by the loss
> of our loved one to deal with what is the most important event of our or
> their lives. How can we pay so little attention to expressing the meaning
> and purpose of this glorious life we have had?
> 2. 2) Second, death is usually hidden and then burst into our lives.
> Death is wicked how fast it comes and how it is all consuming and leaves
> little room for preparation or even thought. Sally’s stroke was
> unannounced, and she was gone in less that 12 hours. Jim Stovall was in a
> hospital fighting a losing battle for his life and Sally and his family
> were totally consumed with his care. It is hidden in that we do not
> want to even consider this end or admit to our finitude and mortality. The
> hiddenness from death, from this final power cuts us off from our journey
> leaves us shocked and disoriented in thinking/preparing to have a
> meaningful ending
> 3) What happens is professionals that deal a lot with death step in
> and organize the readings, the message, the music, the witness, the
> reception as the family and friends are frozen in losing a beloved one.
> When you read Matthew’s The Time My Father Died and Matthews gets mad at
> what the funeral home had done to his father. The issue is not the funeral
> home but rather Joseph had not thought through his father’s death.
>
> [image: page2image6769664]
> In the case of Sally, since I had been thinking about my own death- I
> asked ICA’s Seva Gandhi to do one of the Memorial Services witnesses to
> Sally’s life. I asked her to reflect on Sally’s time in the Order, the
> Ecumenical Institute and Institute of Cultural Affairs. Seva did a great
> job capturing Sally’s thankfulness for being in a religious community and
> how she engaged herself as being part of a global servant force that was
> out to care for the poorest of the poor. I was so pleased that it seemed to
> hold the depth, wonder and uniqueness of her existence;
>
> - Sally loved the religious house and the community, interaction,
> structures it brought her life.
> -
> - Sally loved the town meetings and her engaging the small towns
> across Utah. She had an amazing memory of those small town meetings and
> especially the songs.
> -
> - It was clear that Sally had found purpose in her life and was sent
> to make a difference in this world. Others sensed this too. Was pretty
> obvious when she died on a Tuesday and the next day, Wednesday, we held a
> prayer service with 100 people showing up and talked and talked about what
> Sally meant to their lives. And then that Saturday at her Memorial Service
> 250 people showed up many unknown to us... people were standing in the
> Church aisles
>
> But my lesson learned through all of this is that we need to take
> ownership of our death and the message (word) it brings to others. I have
> worked on my funeral: like to have the Daily Office liturgy, DH Lawrence’s
> Not I, Not I But a New Wind Blowing Through Me read, decided what I like to
> have read from the NT and the OT and who and what would like have sung plus
> a witness-one being the ICA. For Sally’s Memorial Service her children
> pulled together a slide show that was fabulous. Need to do that.
> I think the basic message is that we need to get our deaths thought
> through.
> So 3 deaths (actually Sally’s sister died the year before) and a funeral
> class has
> made death up close as a reality. Overwhelming experience; need to bring
> intentionality and attentionally to our deaths and the death needs to speak
> the “Word”. So from this experience and dialogue I have joined with others
> to form a “Death Team” (Pam Bergdall and Seva Gandhi- who says death is
> always on her mind), We are proposing a quarterly death webinar or more
> like a death sharing circle to get our deaths in shape...it has been said
> that facing up to death also makes for a better life. What think you?
> Dick Alton, RS-1, 1968, born December 14, 1941
>
> --
> Richard H. T. Alton
> One Earth Film Fest ( OEFF)
> Green Community Connections
> Interfaith Green Network
> T: 773.344.7172
> richard.alton at gmail.com
> **Save the Date! One Earth Film Festival 2019, March 1-10*
> http:www.oneearthfilmfestival.org
>
> Make Plain the Vision, Habakkuh 2:2
>
> _______________________________________________
> Dialogue mailing list
> Dialogue at lists.wedgeblade.net
> http://lists.wedgeblade.net/listinfo.cgi/dialogue-wedgeblade.net
>
> _______________________________________________
> OE mailing list
> OE at lists.wedgeblade.net
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