[Dialogue] Kitchen Table Conversation to Discuss Challenges and Actions to Address Them

[Diann McCabe]

This is extremely helpful, Jo.
Thank you,
Diann McCabe
San Marcos, TX
USA

On Sat, Mar 15, 2025 at 3:57 PM Jo Nelson via Dialogue <
dialogue at lists.wedgeblade.net> wrote:

> The following conversation is designed for both facilitators and
> non-facilitators, in other words for anyone who is curious and willing to
> dialogue with others.  This is my contribution to the situation we are
> facing. I invite you to try something like this.
>
> One of the things I have heard the most in the last few months is a
> yearning to understand how different people can think so differently about
> what is going on in the world. Others have said that making meaningful
> connections with others is really important for mental health.
>
>
>
> Since my vocation is about building bridges between people, and my career
> has involved leading conversations among all kinds of people, I thought
> perhaps creating a relaxed conversation with friends and acquaintances that
> anyone could host could lead to addressing this need.
>
>
>
> The design of this conversation is inspired by two main resources:
>
> *I Never Thought of it That Way: How to Have Fearlessly Curious
> Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times*, by Monica Guzman
>
> *The Art of Focused Conversation Second Edition: More than 100 Ways to
> Access Group Wisdom in your Organization,* by R.Brian Stanfield and Jo
> Nelson, General Editors
>
>
>
>
> *There are three parts to this guide.*
>
> 1.      Suggestions for the facilitator for setting up the environment
>
> 2.     Leading the conversation:
>
> a.     The first conversation: Narrowing the possible events to be
> discussed to one event
>
> b.     The second conversation: Dialogue about the chosen event
>
> 3.     An optional conversation to evaluate the session
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> *1.     **Setting Up the Environment:*
>
> Invite neighbours or friends to come together around your kitchen table or
> living room to have some facilitated open dialogue about current
> challenges. At first, it may be wise to have a small group of people who
> may have similar thinking.  Let them know ahead of time that this is an
> invitation for those who are curious and want to explore the issues from
> many perspectives. You may also share the working assumptions that will
> create safety to speak together (See below).
>
>
>
> Let people know that you will facilitate the conversation, and that while
> you are facilitating, you are detached from any opinions you might have
> about the content – your role is to ask questions and guide the
> conversation so that everyone has a chance to participate and it stays
> respectful.
>
>
>
> Be ready to stop the event (respectfully) if it degenerates into digging
> in, arguing or ranting, or verbal attacks.  Not everyone is prepared to
> participate in a conversation like this.  If the first one goes well, try
> some groups with more diversity in their perspectives, but who are curious
> and have a readiness to be in dialogue.
>
>
>
> You do not need to ask every question laid out below, but ask at least one
> or two at each level.  The questions are designed to follow a pattern of
> clear thinking, from surface to depth, which guide the allows the
> understanding of the group to evolve naturally as each level builds on the
> level before it.
>
>
>
> *The intent of the conversation: *
>
> *The Topic:*  What is going on right now that presents challenges for us,
> and that we might be able to do something about?
>
>
>
> *The Rational Aim: *To have articulated, heard, and understood different
> perspectives on at least one current event and its impacts. A list of a few
> doable positive actions that will make a difference. Practical
> recommendations to share with leaders and decision-makers.
>
>
>
> *The Experiential Aim: *Each participant will feel heard and will feel
> that they have connected with others who care. Each participant will have a
> better understanding of what is going on and of other perspectives.
>
>
>
> *(A small local conversation might connect later to many larger
> conversations, either on larger topics, or with other groups of people.)*
>
>
>
>
>
> *2.     **Starting the Conversation *
>
>
>
> Serve tea, coffee, snacks…. Make sure people are comfortable.
>
>
>
> *Opening*:  Welcome everyone!  (a round of short introductions if people
> don’t know each other)
>
>
>
> I’ve invited you here to have a conversation about current events – to
> choose one that we would like to explore, and then to have a thoughtful
> conversation, hearing each others’ perspectives about it. Perhaps we will
> come up with some positive actions we can do later, or recommendations for
> leaders and decision-makers.
>
>
>
> My role is to make it a safe place to ask questions and explore different
> perspectives on the topic we choose to explore.  When I am asking
> questions, I do not have answers. I am leaving my opinions at the door so
> that I can guide respectful dialogue. I’m going to ask questions in a
> specific order that is designed to move our thinking from what we observe,
> through our internal reactions and memories, to interpretations, and
> finally to decision and closure.
>
>
>
> There are two parts to this conversation:  the first to pick one event to
> explore, and the second longer one to explore it.
>
>
>
> These are some assumptions in guiding this conversation:
>
> *Working Assumptions:*
>
> *Everyone has* *wisdom* – life experience, personal perspectives,
> knowledge that they are bringing with them.
>
> *We need everyone’s wisdom for the wisest result* -- just as the value of
> a diamond lies in its many different facets, the value of a conversation
> lies in understanding the many different perspectives people bring.
>
> *There are no wrong (or right) answers in this conversation* – we do not
> have to agree, just to listen to understand where someone is coming from.
>
> *The whole is greater than the sum of its parts* – we will all have a
> better understanding of what is going on after we listen to all the
> perspectives.
>
> *Everyone will hear others and be heard* – we will all speak and listen
> to understand, not to argue or convince others.
>
> All of this is about respecting different perspectives, both in listening
> and asking questions to clarify and understand.
>
>
>
>
>
> *2a. First Conversation: Narrowing the topic to pick one to explore: *
>
> *Objective Level:*  What are some news events, local (or at any other
> level), that you have heard recently?   Not commentary, but the actual
> event itself.  Give it to us as a headline (not the whole story).
>
> *(take brief notes)*
>
>
>
> *Reflective Level:* Which of these news events are you most familiar with?
>
> Which of these raise the strongest emotion for you?
>
> Which of these are you least interested in?
>
>
>
> *Interpretive Level:* Let’s pick one to explore more deeply. There are
> several more questions here to weigh the events up before we decide:
>
> Which of these events seems like it has the most resonance with this group?
>
> Which seems like it needs the most exploration to understand what’s really
> going on?
>
> Which one of these do we feel we might potentially meaningfully address
> through our actions?”
>
>
>
> *Decisional Level:* Which of these shall we pick for this conversation
> today?  (We can talk about others at another time if we like.)
>
>
>
>
>
> *2b. Second Conversation: Focusing on the event the group has picked to
> explore:*
>
> *Objective Level:*  What is some of the background data we know about
> this event (name it)?  What is the source of that background data?
>
>
>
> *Reflective Level:* What part of this is the most confusing or obscure?
>
> What part of this is the most fascinating to you?
>
> What part is the most frightening?
>
> Where have you experienced something like this in the past, or observed it
> happening?
>
>
>
> *Interpretive Level:* What might have been some of the root issues that
> made this event happen?
>
> What are similar events that have happened recently?
>
> What are some of the trends that this event might be pointing to?
>
> What are the possible impacts of this event – either positive or negative,
> or both? Let’s capture this in notes. We can add plus (for positive) or
> minus (for negative) or both for our reactions to any impact.
>
>
>
> *Decisional Level:* What can we do at the local level to influence the
> impact of this event and those similar to it, to mitigate potential
> negative impacts and strengthen potential positive impacts?
>
> What practical recommendations do we want to make to decision-makers in
> our community, country, or world?
>
>
>
> *Closing:*  I have found it helpful to have this conversation and find
> out your concerns.  I have learned a lot from everyone, and I hope you
> have, too.
>
> Would you like to come another time to explore another topic?
>
>
>
> Who would like another cup of tea or coffee?
>
>
>
>
>
> *3.     **Optional:*
>
> *Feel free to have a quick evaluation of the conversation itself with the
> group if appropriate:*
>
> *O. What are some words or phrases that caught your attention during our
> conversation?*
>
> *R. What was the most engaging part of the conversation? *
>
> *     At what part did you find yourself uneasy, or uncomfortable?*
>
> *I. What is something new that you are considering now?  (“I never thought
> about it like that!”)*
>
> *    What is something that confirms something you were already thinking
> about?*
>
> *D. If we were going to have another similar conversation, what changes
> would you make?*
> *(Take notes on the recommended changes.) *
>
> Jo Nelson
> jo.r.nelson at gmail.com
>
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> Dialogue mailing list
> Dialogue at lists.wedgeblade.net
> http://lists.wedgeblade.net/listinfo.cgi/dialogue-wedgeblade.net
>
-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <http://lists.wedgeblade.net/pipermail/dialogue-wedgeblade.net/attachments/20250315/2c646b9b/attachment.htm>