further to our little conversation about the impact of different technological platforms....... This TED talk by Sherry Turkle covers the challenge of what the digital re volution is doing to our communication, connection and capacity to cause and use reflection This is well worth the 19 minutes. Paul _www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html) And here is a transcript: _Just a moment ago,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#0) _my daughter Rebecca texted me for good luck._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#2000) _Her text said,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#6000) _"Mom, you will rock."_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#8000) _I love this._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#11000) _Getting that text_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#13000) _was like getting a hug._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#15000) _And so there you have it._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#17000) _I embody_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#20000) _the central paradox._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#22000) _I'm a woman_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#24000) _who loves getting texts_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#26000) _who's going to tell you_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#28000) _that too many of them can be a problem._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#30000) _Actually that reminder of my daughter_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#33000) _brings me to the beginning of my story._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#36000) _1996, when I gave my first TEDTalk,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#39000) _Rebecca was five years old_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#43000) _and she was sitting right there_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#45000) _in the front row._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#47000) _I had just written a book_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#49000) _that celebrated our life on the internet_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#51000) _and I was about to be on the cover_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#53000) _of Wired magazine._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#56000) _In those heady days,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#58000) _we were experimenting_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#60000) _with chat rooms and online virtual communities._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#62000) _We were exploring different aspects of ourselves._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#65000) _And then we unplugged._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#69000) _I was excited._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#71000) _And, as a psychologist, what excited me most_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#73000) _was the idea_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#76000) _that we would use what we learned in the virtual world_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#78000) _about ourselves, about our identity,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#81000) _to live better lives in the real world._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#84000) _Now fast-forward to 2012._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#87000) _I'm back here on the TED stage again._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#90000) _My daughter's 20. She's a college student._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#93000) _She sleeps with her cellphone,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#96000) _so do I._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#100000) _And I've just written a new book,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#102000) _but this time it's not one_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#105000) _that will get me on the cover_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#108000) _of Wired magazine._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#110000) _So what happened?_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#112000) _I'm still excited by technology,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#115000) _but I believe,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#118000) _and I'm here to make the case,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#120000) _that we're letting it take us places_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#122000) _that we don't want to go._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#124000) _Over the past 15 years,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#126000) _I've studied technologies of mobile communication_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#128000) _and I've interviewed hundreds and hundreds of people,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#131000) _young and old,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#134000) _about their plugged in lives._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#136000) _And what I've found_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#138000) _is that our little devices,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#140000) _those little devices in our pockets,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#142000) _are so psychologically powerful_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#145000) _that they don't only change what we do,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#147000) _they change who we are._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#151000) _Some of the things we do now with our devices_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#154000) _are things that, only a few years ago,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#156000) _we would have found odd_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#159000) _or disturbing,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#161000) _but they've quickly come to seem familiar,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#163000) _just how we do things._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#166000) _So just to take some quick examples:_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#168000) _People text or do email_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#171000) _during corporate board meetings._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#173000) _They text and shop and go on Facebook_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#176000) _during classes, during presentations,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#179000) _actually during all meetings._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#182000) _People talk to me about the important new skill_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#184000) _of making eye contact_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#187000) _while you're texting._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#189000) _(Laughter)_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#191000) _People explain to me_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#193000) _that it's hard, but that it can be done._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#195000) _Parents text and do email_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#198000) _at breakfast and at dinner_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#200000) _while their children complain_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#202000) _about not having their parents' full attention._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#205000) _But then these same children_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#207000) _deny each other their full attention._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#209000) _This is a recent shot_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#212000) _of my daughter and her friends_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#214000) _being together_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#217000) _while not being together._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#219000) _And we even text at funerals._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#222000) _I study this._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#224000) _We remove ourselves_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#226000) _from our grief or from our revery_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#228000) _and we go into our phones._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#230000) _Why does this matter?_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#233000) _It matters to me_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#235000) _because I think we're setting ourselves up for trouble --_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#237000) _trouble certainly_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#240000) _in how we relate to each other,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#242000) _but also trouble_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#244000) _in how we relate to ourselves_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#246000) _and our capacity for self-reflection._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#249000) _We're getting used to a new way_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#252000) _of being alone together._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#254000) _People want to be with each other,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#257000) _but also elsewhere --_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#259000) _connected to all the different places they want to be._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#261000) _People want to customize their lives._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#264000) _They want to go in and out of all the places they are_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#267000) _because the thing that matters most to them_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#270000) _is control over where they put their attention._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#272000) _So you want to go to that board meeting,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#276000) _but you only want to pay attention_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#279000) _to the bits that interest you._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#281000) _And some people think that's a good thing._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#283000) _But you can end up_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#286000) _hiding from each other,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#288000) _even as we're all constantly connected to each other._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#290000) _A 50-year-old business man_ (http://w ww.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#293000) _lamented to me_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#295000) _that he feels he doesn't have colleagues anymore at work._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#297000) _When he goes to work, he doesn't stop by to talk to anybody,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#300000) _he doesn't call._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#303000) _And he says he doesn't want to interrupt his colleagues_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#305000) _because, he says, "They're too busy on their email."_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#308000) _But then he stops himself_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#311000) _and he says, "You know, I'm not telling you the truth._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#313000) _I'm the one who doesn't want to be interrupted._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#315000) _I think I should want to,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#318000) _but actually I'd rather just do things on my Blackberry."_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#320000) _Across the generations,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#324000) _I see that people can't get enough of each other,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#326000) _if and only if_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#330000) _they can have each other at a distance,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#332000) _in amounts they can control._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#335000) _I call it the Goldilocks effect:_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#337000) _not too close, not too far,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#340000) _just right._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#343000) _But what might feel just right_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#345000) _for that middle-aged executive_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#347000) _can be a problem for an adolescent_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#349000) _who needs to develop face-to-face relationships._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#351000) _An 18-year-old boy_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#355000) _who uses texting for almost everything_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#357000) _says to me wistfully,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#360000) _"Someday, someday,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#362000) _but certainly not now,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#365000) _I'd like to learn how to have a conversation."_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#367000) _When I ask people_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#371000) _"What's wrong with having a conversation?"_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#373000) _People say, "I'll tell you what's wrong with having a conversation._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#376000) _It takes place in real time_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#380000) _and you can't control what you're going to say."_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#383000) _So that's the bottom line._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#387000) _Texting, email, posting,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#389000) _all of these things_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#392000) _let us present the self as we want to be._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#394000) _We get to edit,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#397000) _and that means we get to delete,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#399000) _and that means we get to retouch,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#402000) _the face, the voice,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#405000) _the flesh, the body --_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#407000) _not too little, not too much,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#409000) _just right._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#412000) _Human relationships_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#414000) _are rich and they're messy_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#416000) _and they're demanding._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#418000) _And we clean them up with technology._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#420000) _And when we do,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#423000) _one of the things that can happen_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#425000) _is that we sacrifice conversation_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#427000) _for mere connection._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#429000) _We short-change ourselves._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#431000) _And over time,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#434000) _we seem to forget this,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#436000) _or we seem to stop caring._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#438000) _I was caught off guard_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#441000) _when Stephen Colbert_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#445000) _asked me a profound question,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#447000) _a profound question._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#451000) _He said, "Don't all those little tweets,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#454000) _don't all those little sips_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#460000) _of online communication,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#463000) _add up to one big gulp_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#466000) _of real conversation?"_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#469000) _My answer was no,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#473000) _they don't add up._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#475000) _Connecting in sips may work_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#477000) _for gathering discreet bits of information,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#481000) _they may work for saying, "I'm thinking about you,"_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#485000) _or even for saying, "I love you," --_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#489000) _I mean, look at how I felt_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#491000) _when I got that text from my daughter --_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#493000) _but they don't really work_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#496000) _for learning about each other,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#498000) _for really coming to know and understand each other._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#500000) _And we use conversations with each other_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#504000) _to learn how to have conversations_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#508000) _with ourselves._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#510000) _So a flight from conversation_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#512000) _can really matter_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#514000) _because it can compromise_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#516000) _our capacity for self-reflection._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#518000) _For kids growing up,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#520000) _that skill is the bedrock of development._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#522000) _Over and over I hear,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#526000) _"I would rather text than talk."_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#528000) _And what I'm seeing_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#531000) _is that people get so used to being short-changed_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#533000) _out of real conversation,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#535000) _so used to getting by with less,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#537000) _that they've become almost willing_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#540000) _to dispense with people altogether._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#542000) _So for example,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#544000) _many people share with me this wish,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#546000) _that some day a more advanced version of Siri,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#548000) _the digital assistant on Apple's iPhone,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#551000) _will be more like a best friend,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#554000) _someone who will listen_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#556000) _when others won't._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#558000) _I believe this wish_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#560000) _reflects a painful truth_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#562000) _that I've learned in the past 15 years._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#564000) _That feeling that no one is listening to me_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#567000) _is very important_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#571000) _in our relationships with technology._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#573000) _That's why it's so appealing_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#575000) _to have a Facebook page_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#577000) _or a Twitter feed --_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#579000) _so many automatic listeners._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#581000) _And the feeling that no one is listening to me_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#584000) _make us want to spend time_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#587000) _with machines that seem to care about us._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#589000) _We're developing robots,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#592000) _they call them sociable robots,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#594000) _that are specifically designed to be companions --_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#596000) _to the elderly,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#599000) _to our children,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#601000) _to us._ (http: //www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#603000) _Have we so lost confidence_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#605000) _that we will be there for each other?_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#608000) _During my research_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#612000) _I worked in nursing homes,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#614000) _and I brought in these sociable robots_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#616000) _that were designed to give the elderly_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#619000) _the feeling that they were understood._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#621000) _And one day I came in_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#624000) _and a woman who had lost a child_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#626000) _was talking to a robot_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#628000) _in the shape of a baby seal._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#630000) _It seemed to be looking in her eyes._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#633000) _It seemed to be following the conversation._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#635000) _It comforted her._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#638000) _And many people found this amazing._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#641000) _But that woman was trying to make sense of her life_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#645000) _with a machine that had no experience_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#650000) _of the arc of a human life._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#653000) _That robot put on a great show._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#656000) _And we're vulnerable._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#658000) _People experience pretend empathy_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#660000) _as though it were the real thing._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#663000) _So during that moment_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#666000) _when that woman_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#670000) _was experiencing that pretend empathy,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#672000) _I was thinking, "That robot can't empathize._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#675000) _It doesn't face death._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#678000) _It doesn't know life."_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#680000) _And as that woman took comfort_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#682000) _in her robot companion,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#684000) _I didn't find it amazing;_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#686000) _I found it one of the most wrenching, complicated moments_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#688000) _in my 15 years of work._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#692000) _But when I stepped back,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#696000) _I felt myself_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#698000) _at the cold, hard center_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#700000) _of a perfect storm._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#703000) _We expect more from technology_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#705000) _and less from each other._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#708000) _And I ask myself,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#711000) _"Why have things come to this?"_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#713000) _And I believe it's because_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#716000) _technology appeals to us most_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#718000) _where we are most vulnerable._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#721000) _And we are vulnerable._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#723000) _We're lonely,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#725000) _but we're afraid of intimacy._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#727000) _And so from social networks to sociable robots,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#729000) _we're designing technologies_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#732000) _that will give us the illusion of companionship_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#734000) _without the demands of friendship._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#737000) _We turn to technology to help us feel connected_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#739000) _in ways we can comfortably control._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#742000) _But we're not so comfortable._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#745000) _We are not so much in control._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#747000) _These days, those phones in our pockets_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#750000) _are changing our minds and hearts_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#753000) _because they offer us_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#755000) _three gratifying fantasies._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#757000) _One, that we can put our attention_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#759000) _wherever we want it to be;_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#761000) _two, that we will always be heard;_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#763000) _and three, that we will never have to be alone._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#766000) _And that third idea,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#769000) _that we will never have to be alone,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#771000) _is central to changing our psyches._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#774000) _Because the moment that people are alone,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#776000) _even for a few seconds,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#779000) _they become anxious, they panic, they fidget,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#781000) _they reach for a device._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#784000) _Just think of people at a checkout line_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#786000) _or at a red light._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#788000) _Being alone feels like a problem that needs to be solved._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#790000) _And so people try to solve it by connecting._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#794000) _But here, connection_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#797000) _is more like a symptom than a cure._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#799000) _It expresses, but it doesn't solve,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#802000) _an underlying problem._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#805000) _But more than a symptom,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#807000) _constant connection is changing_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#809000) _the way people think of themselves._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#811000) _It's shaping a new way of being._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#813000) _The best way to describe it is,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#816000) _I share therefore I am._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#818000) _We use technology to define ourselves_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#821000) _by sharing our thoughts and feelings_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#824000) _even as we're having them._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#826000) _So before it was:_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#828000) _I have a feeling,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#830000) _I want to make a call._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#832000) _Now it's: I want to have a feeling,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#834000) _I need to send a text._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#837000) _The problem with this new regime_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#839000) _of "I share therefore I am"_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#842000) _is that, if we don't have connection,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#844000) _we don't feel like ourselves._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#846000) _We almost don't feel ourselves._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#848000) _So what do we do? We connect more and more._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#850000) _But in the process,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#853000) _we set ourselves up to be isolated._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#855000) _How do you get from connection to isolation?_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#858000) _You end up isolated_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#862000) _if you don't cultivate the capacity for solitude,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#864000) _the ability to be separate,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#866000) _to gather yourself._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#869000) _Solitude is where you find yourself_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#871000) _so that you can reach out to other people_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#874000) _and form real attachments._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#876000) _When we don't have the capacity for solitude,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#879000) _we turn to other people in order to feel less anxious_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#882000) _or in order to feel alive._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#885000) _When this happens,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#887000) _we're not able to appreciate who they are._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#889000) _It's as though we're using them_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#892000) _as spare parts_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#894000) _to support our fragile sense of self._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#896000) _We slip into thinking that always being connected_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#899000) _is going to make us feel less alone._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#902000) _But we're at risk,_ (http://w ww.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#906000) _because actually it's the opposite that's true._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#908000) _If we're not able to be alone,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#911000) _we're going to be more lonely._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#913000) _And if we don't teach our children to be alone,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#915000) _they're only going to know_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#918000) _how to be lonely._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#920000) _When I spoke at TED in 1996,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#922000) _reporting on my studies_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#925000) _of the early virtual communities,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#927000) _I said, "Those who make the most_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#929000) _of their lives on the screen_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#932000) _come to it in a spirit of self-reflection."_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#934000) _And that's what I'm calling for here, now:_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#937000) _reflection and, more than that, a conversation_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#940000) _about where our current use of technology_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#943000) _may be taking us,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#946000) _what it might be costing us._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#948000) _We're smitten with technology._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#950000) _And we're afraid, like young lovers,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#953000) _that too much talking might spoil the romance._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#956000) _But it's time to talk._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#959000) _We grew up with digital technology_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#961000) _and so we see it as all grown up._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#964000) _But it's not, it's early days._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#966000) _There's plenty of time_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#969000) _for us to reconsider how we use it,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#971000) _how we build it._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#973000) _I'm not suggesting_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#975000) _that we turn away from our devices,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#977000) _just that we develop a more self-aware relationship_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#979000) _with them, with each other_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#982000) _and with ourselves._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#984000) _I see some first steps._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#987000) _Start thinking of solitude_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#989000) _as a good thing._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#991000) _Make room for it._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#993000) _Find ways to demonstrate this_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#995000) _as a value to your children._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#998000) _Create sacred spaces at home --_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1000000) _the kitchen, the dining room --_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1002000) _and reclaim them for conversation._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1004000) _Do the same thing at work._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1007000) _At work, we're so busy communicating_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1009000) _that we often don't have time to think,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1011000) _we don't have time to talk,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1014000) _about the things that really matter._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1017000) _Change that._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1019000) _Most important, we all really need to listen to each other,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1021000) _including to the boring bits._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1025000) _Because it's when we stumble_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1029000) _or hesitate or lose our words_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1031000) _that we reveal ourselves to each other._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1034000) _Technology is making a bid_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1038000) _to redefine human connection --_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1041000) _how we care for each other,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1043000) _how we care for ourselves --_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1045000) _but it's also giving us the opportunity_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1047000) _to affirm our values_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1049000) _and our direction._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1051000) _I'm optimistic._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1053000) _We have everything we need to start._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1055000) _We have each other._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1058000) _And we have the greatest chance of success_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1060000) _if we recognize our vulnerability._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1063000) _That we listen_ 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planet._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1143000) _They need us._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1145000) _Let's talk about_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1147000) _how we can use digital technology,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1149000) _the technology of our dreams,_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1152000) _to make this life_ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1155000) _the life we can love._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1157000) _Thank you._ (http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1159000)