I am overwhelmed by that fantastic and profound essay. I'd love to add it to the articles on my web site if someone points the way to the author. Del October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Del Hunter Morrill, M.S., N.B.C.C.H. Personal Guide & Hypnotherapist, Teacher, Lecturer And Author of the GREAT ESCAPES Script Volumes TRANSITIONS, a Center for Personal Guidance And home of NEW BEGINNINGS PUBLISHING 3217 North Mason Avenue, Tacoma Washington 98407 USA Phone (253) 383-5757; <http://www.hypnocenter.com/> www.hypnocenter.com To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest. (Pema Chodron) _____ From: oe-bounces@lists.wedgeblade.net [mailto:oe-bounces@lists.wedgeblade.net] On Behalf Of Shelley Hahn Sent: Saturday, October 20, 2012 7:39 AM To: Order Ecumenical Community Subject: Re: [Oe List ...] some thoughts about the unintended side effects of new technology Thanks for sharing this, Paul. Very profound and important. Shelley On Thu, Oct 18, 2012 at 4:40 AM, <PSchrijnen@aol.com> wrote: further to our little conversation about the impact of different technological platforms....... This TED talk by Sherry Turkle covers the challenge of what the digital revolution is doing to our communication, connection and capacity to cause and use reflection This is well worth the 19 minutes. Paul www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html And here is a transcript: Just a <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#0> moment ago, my <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#2000> daughter Rebecca texted me for good luck. Her <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#6000> text said, <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#8000> "Mom, you will rock." I love <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#11000> this. Getting <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#13000> that text was <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#15000> like getting a hug. And so <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#17000> there you have it.I <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#20000> embody the <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#22000> central paradox. I'm a <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#24000> woman who <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#26000> loves getting texts who's <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#28000> going to tell youthat <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#30000> too many of them can be a problem. Actually <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#33000> that reminder of my daughter brings <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#36000> me to the beginning of my story. 1996, <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#39000> when I gave my first TEDTalk, Rebecca <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#43000> was five years old and <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#45000> she was sitting right there in the <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#47000> front row. I had <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#49000> just written a book that <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#51000> celebrated our life on the internet and I <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#53000> was about to be on the cover of <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#56000> Wired magazine. In <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#58000> those heady days, we <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#60000> were experimenting with <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#62000> chat rooms and online virtual communities. We <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#65000> were exploring different aspects of ourselves.And <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#69000> then we unplugged. I was <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#71000> excited. And, <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#73000> as a psychologist, what excited me most was <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#76000> the idea that <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#78000> we would use what we learned in the virtual world about <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#81000> ourselves, about our identity, to <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#84000> live better lives in the real world. Now <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#87000> fast-forward to 2012. I'm <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#90000> back here on the TED stage again. My <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#93000> daughter's 20. She's a college student. She <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#96000> sleeps with her cellphone, so do <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#100000> I. And <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#102000> I've just written a new book,but <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#105000> this time it's not one that <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#108000> will get me on the cover of <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#110000> Wired magazine. So what <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#112000> happened? I'm <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#115000> still excited by technology, but I <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#118000> believe, and <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#120000> I'm here to make the case,that <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#122000> we're letting it take us places that <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#124000> we don't want to go. Over <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#126000> the past 15 years, I've <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#128000> studied technologies of mobile communication and <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#131000> I've interviewed hundreds and hundreds of people, young <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#134000> and old, about <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#136000> their plugged in lives.And <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#138000> what I've found is <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#140000> that our little devices, those <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#142000> little devices in our pockets, are <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#145000> so psychologically powerful that <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#147000> they don't only change what we do, they <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#151000> change who we are.Some <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#154000> of the things we do now with our devices are <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#156000> things that, only a few years ago, we <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#159000> would have found odd or <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#161000> disturbing, but <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#163000> they've quickly come to seem familiar, just <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#166000> how we do things. So <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#168000> just to take some quick examples: People <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#171000> text or do email during <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#173000> corporate board meetings. They <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#176000> text and shop and go on Facebook during <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#179000> classes, during presentations,actually <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#182000> during all meetings. People <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#184000> talk to me about the important new skill of <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#187000> making eye contact while <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#189000> you're texting. (Laughter) <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#191000> People <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#193000> explain to me that <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#195000> it's hard, but that it can be done. Parents <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#198000> text and do email at <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#200000> breakfast and at dinner while <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#202000> their children complainabout <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#205000> not having their parents' full attention. But <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#207000> then these same children deny <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#209000> each other their full attention. This <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#212000> is a recent shot of my <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#214000> daughter and her friends being <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#217000> together while <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#219000> not being together. And <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#222000> we even text at funerals. I <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#224000> study this. We <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#226000> remove ourselves from our <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#228000> grief or from our revery and <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#230000> we go into our phones. Why <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#233000> does this matter? It <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#235000> matters to me because <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#237000> I think we're setting ourselves up for trouble -- trouble <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#240000> certainly in <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#242000> how we relate to each other, but <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#244000> also trouble in <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#246000> how we relate to ourselves and <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#249000> our capacity for self-reflection. We're <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#252000> getting used to a new way of <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#254000> being alone together. People <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#257000> want to be with each other, but <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#259000> also elsewhere -- connected <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#261000> to all the different places they want to be. People <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#264000> want to customize their lives. They <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#267000> want to go in and out of all the places they are because <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#270000> the thing that matters most to them is <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#272000> control over where they put their attention. So <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#276000> you want to go to that board meeting, but <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#279000> you only want to pay attention to <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#281000> the bits that interest you. And <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#283000> some people think that's a good thing. But <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#286000> you can end up hiding <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#288000> from each other, even <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#290000> as we're all constantly connected to each other. A <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#293000> 50-year-old business man lamented <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#295000> to me that <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#297000> he feels he doesn't have colleagues anymore at work. When <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#300000> he goes to work, he doesn't stop by to talk to anybody, he <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#303000> doesn't call. And he <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#305000> says he doesn't want to interrupt his colleagues because, <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#308000> he says, "They're too busy on their email." But <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#311000> then he stops himself and <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#313000> he says, "You know, I'm not telling you the truth. I'm <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#315000> the one who doesn't want to be interrupted. I <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#318000> think I should want to, but <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#320000> actually I'd rather just do things on my Blackberry." Across <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#324000> the generations, I see <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#326000> that people can't get enough of each other, if <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#330000> and only if they <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#332000> can have each other at a distance, in <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#335000> amounts they can control. I call <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#337000> it the Goldilocks effect: not <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#340000> too close, not too far, just <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#343000> right. But <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#345000> what might feel just right for <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#347000> that middle-aged executive can <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#349000> be a problem for an adolescent who <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#351000> needs to develop face-to-face relationships. An <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#355000> 18-year-old boy who <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#357000> uses texting for almost everything says <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#360000> to me wistfully, <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#362000> "Someday, someday, but <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#365000> certainly not now, I'd <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#367000> like to learn how to have a conversation." When <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#371000> I ask people <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#373000> "What's wrong with having a conversation?" People <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#376000> say, "I'll tell you what's wrong with having a conversation. It <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#380000> takes place in real time and <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#383000> you can't control what you're going to say." So <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#387000> that's the bottom line. Texting, <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#389000> email, posting, all <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#392000> of these things let <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#394000> us present the self as we want to be. We <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#397000> get to edit, and <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#399000> that means we get to delete, and <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#402000> that means we get to retouch, the <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#405000> face, the voice, the <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#407000> flesh, the body -- not <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#409000> too little, not too much, just <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#412000> right. Human <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#414000> relationships are <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#416000> rich and they're messy and <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#418000> they're demanding. And <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#420000> we clean them up with technology. And <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#423000> when we do, one <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#425000> of the things that can happen is <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#427000> that we sacrifice conversation for <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#429000> mere connection. We <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#431000> short-change ourselves. And <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#434000> over time, we <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#436000> seem to forget this, or we <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#438000> seem to stop caring. I was <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#441000> caught off guard when <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#445000> Stephen Colbert asked <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#447000> me a profound question, a <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#451000> profound question. He <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#454000> said, "Don't all those little tweets, don't <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#460000> all those little sips of <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#463000> online communication, add <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#466000> up to one big gulp of <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#469000> real conversation?" My <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#473000> answer was no, they <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#475000> don't add up. Connecting <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#477000> in sips may work for <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#481000> gathering discreet bits of information, they <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#485000> may work for saying, "I'm thinking about you," or <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#489000> even for saying, "I love you," -- I <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#491000> mean, look at how I felt when <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#493000> I got that text from my daughter -- but <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#496000> they don't really work for <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#498000> learning about each other, for <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#500000> really coming to know and understand each other. And <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#504000> we use conversations with each other to <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#508000> learn how to have conversations with <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#510000> ourselves. So a <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#512000> flight from conversation can <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#514000> really matter because <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#516000> it can compromise our <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#518000> capacity for self-reflection. For <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#520000> kids growing up, that <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#522000> skill is the bedrock of development. Over <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#526000> and over I hear, <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#528000> "I would rather text than talk." And <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#531000> what I'm seeing is that <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#533000> people get so used to being short-changed out <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#535000> of real conversation, so <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#537000> used to getting by with less,that <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#540000> they've become almost willing to <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#542000> dispense with people altogether. So <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#544000> for example,many <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#546000> people share with me this wish, that <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#548000> some day a more advanced version of Siri, the <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#551000> digital assistant on Apple's iPhone, will <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#554000> be more like a best friend, someone <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#556000> who will listenwhen <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#558000> others won't. I <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#560000> believe this wish reflects <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#562000> a painful truth that <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#564000> I've learned in the past 15 years. That <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#567000> feeling that no one is listening to me is <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#571000> very important in <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#573000> our relationships with technology. That's <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#575000> why it's so appealing to have <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#577000> a Facebook page or a <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#579000> Twitter feed -- so <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#581000> many automatic listeners. And <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#584000> the feeling that no one is listening to me make <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#587000> us want to spend time with <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#589000> machines that seem to care about us. We're <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#592000> developing robots, they <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#594000> call them sociable robots, that <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#596000> are specifically designed to be companions -- to <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#599000> the elderly, to <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#601000> our children, to <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#603000> us. Have <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#605000> we so lost confidence that <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#608000> we will be there for each other? During <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#612000> my research I <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#614000> worked in nursing homes, and I <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#616000> brought in these sociable robots that <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#619000> were designed to give the elderly the <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#621000> feeling that they were understood. And <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#624000> one day I came in and a <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#626000> woman who had lost a child was <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#628000> talking to a robotin <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#630000> the shape of a baby seal. It <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#633000> seemed to be looking in her eyes. It <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#635000> seemed to be following the conversation. It <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#638000> comforted her. And <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#641000> many people found this amazing. But <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#645000> that woman was trying to make sense of her life with <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#650000> a machine that had no experienceof <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#653000> the arc of a human life. That <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#656000> robot put on a great show. And <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#658000> we're vulnerable. People <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#660000> experience pretend empathy as <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#663000> though it were the real thing. So <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#666000> during that moment when <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#670000> that woman was <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#672000> experiencing that pretend empathy, I was <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#675000> thinking, "That robot can't empathize. It <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#678000> doesn't face death. It <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#680000> doesn't know life." And <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#682000> as that woman took comfort in <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#684000> her robot companion, I didn't <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#686000> find it amazing; I <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#688000> found it one of the most wrenching, complicated moments in my <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#692000> 15 years of work. But <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#696000> when I stepped back, I <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#698000> felt myself at <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#700000> the cold, hard center of a <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#703000> perfect storm. We <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#705000> expect more from technology and <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#708000> less from each other. And I <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#711000> ask myself, <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#713000> "Why have things come to this?" And I <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#716000> believe it's because technology <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#718000> appeals to us most where <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#721000> we are most vulnerable.And <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#723000> we are vulnerable. We're <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#725000> lonely, but <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#727000> we're afraid of intimacy. And <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#729000> so from social networks to sociable robots, we're <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#732000> designing technologies that <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#734000> will give us the illusion of companionship without <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#737000> the demands of friendship. We turn <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#739000> to technology to help us feel connected in <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#742000> ways we can comfortably control. But <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#745000> we're not so comfortable. We <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#747000> are not so much in control. These <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#750000> days, those phones in our pockets are <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#753000> changing our minds and hearts because <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#755000> they offer us three <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#757000> gratifying fantasies. One, <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#759000> that we can put our attention wherever <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#761000> we want it to be; two, <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#763000> that we will always be heard; and <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#766000> three, that we will never have to be alone. And <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#769000> that third idea, that <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#771000> we will never have to be alone, is <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#774000> central to changing our psyches.Because <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#776000> the moment that people are alone, even <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#779000> for a few seconds, they <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#781000> become anxious, they panic, they fidget, they <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#784000> reach for a device. Just <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#786000> think of people at a checkout line or at <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#788000> a red light. Being <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#790000> alone feels like a problem that needs to be solved. And <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#794000> so people try to solve it by connecting. But <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#797000> here, connection is <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#799000> more like a symptom than a cure. It <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#802000> expresses, but it doesn't solve, an <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#805000> underlying problem. But <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#807000> more than a symptom, constant <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#809000> connection is changing the <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#811000> way people think of themselves. It's <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#813000> shaping a new way of being. The <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#816000> best way to describe it is, I <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#818000> share therefore I am. We <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#821000> use technology to define ourselves by <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#824000> sharing our thoughts and feelings even <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#826000> as we're having them. So <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#828000> before it was: I <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#830000> have a feeling, I <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#832000> want to make a call. Now <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#834000> it's: I want to have a feeling, I <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#837000> need to send a text. The <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#839000> problem with this new regime of <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#842000> "I share therefore I am" is <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#844000> that, if we don't have connection, we <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#846000> don't feel like ourselves. We <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#848000> almost don't feel ourselves. So <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#850000> what do we do? We connect more and more. But <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#853000> in the process, we <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#855000> set ourselves up to be isolated. How do <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#858000> you get from connection to isolation? You <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#862000> end up isolated if <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#864000> you don't cultivate the capacity for solitude, the <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#866000> ability to be separate, to <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#869000> gather yourself. Solitude <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#871000> is where you find yourself so <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#874000> that you can reach out to other people and <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#876000> form real attachments. When <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#879000> we don't have the capacity for solitude, we <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#882000> turn to other people in order to feel less anxious or in <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#885000> order to feel alive. When <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#887000> this happens, we're <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#889000> not able to appreciate who they are. It's <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#892000> as though we're using them as <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#894000> spare parts to support <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#896000> our fragile sense of self. We <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#899000> slip into thinking that always being connected is <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#902000> going to make us feel less alone. But <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#906000> we're at risk,because <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#908000> actually it's the opposite that's true. If <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#911000> we're not able to be alone, we're <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#913000> going to be more lonely. And <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#915000> if we don't teach our children to be alone, they're <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#918000> only going to know how <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#920000> to be lonely. When I <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#922000> spoke at TED in 1996, reporting <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#925000> on my studies of <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#927000> the early virtual communities, I <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#929000> said, "Those who make the most of <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#932000> their lives on the screen come <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#934000> to it in a spirit of self-reflection." And <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#937000> that's what I'm calling for here, now: reflection <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#940000> and, more than that, a conversation about <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#943000> where our current use of technology may <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#946000> be taking us, what <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#948000> it might be costing us. We're <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#950000> smitten with technology. And <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#953000> we're afraid, like young lovers, that <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#956000> too much talking might spoil the romance. But <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#959000> it's time to talk. We <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#961000> grew up with digital technology and <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#964000> so we see it as all grown up. But <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#966000> it's not, it's early days. There's <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#969000> plenty of time for <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#971000> us to reconsider how we use it, how <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#973000> we build it. I'm <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#975000> not suggesting that <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#977000> we turn away from our devices, just <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#979000> that we develop a more self-aware relationship with <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#982000> them, with each other and <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#984000> with ourselves. I see <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#987000> some first steps. Start <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#989000> thinking of solitude as a <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#991000> good thing. Make <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#993000> room for it. Find <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#995000> ways to demonstrate this as a <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#998000> value to your children. Create <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1000000> sacred spaces at home -- the <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1002000> kitchen, the dining room -- and <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1004000> reclaim them for conversation. Do <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1007000> the same thing at work.At <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1009000> work, we're so busy communicating that <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1011000> we often don't have time to think, we <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1014000> don't have time to talk, about <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1017000> the things that really matter. Change <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1019000> that. Most <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1021000> important, we all really need to listen to each other, including <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1025000> to the boring bits. Because <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1029000> it's when we stumble or <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1031000> hesitate or lose our words that <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1034000> we reveal ourselves to each other. Technology <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1038000> is making a bid to <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1041000> redefine human connection -- how <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1043000> we care for each other,how <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1045000> we care for ourselves -- but <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1047000> it's also giving us the opportunity to <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1049000> affirm our values and <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1051000> our direction. I'm <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1053000> optimistic. We <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1055000> have everything we need to start. We <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1058000> have each other. And <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1060000> we have the greatest chance of success if <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1063000> we recognize our vulnerability. That <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1066000> we listenwhen <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1068000> technology says it <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1070000> will take something complicated and <http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html#1073000> promises something simpler. 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