Dear Doris, Marsha,
Shelley, Pat, Scott and the rest of the family and mutual friends around the
world.
During the service
for Charles I was struck by the New Testament line, “In my house are
many mansions,” a favorite of mine
and, if I understood correctly, of Charles’.
At
the time, I quickly jotted down just a few words, thinking to reflect upon them
at a later time. In the wee hours of this morning, when I could not sleep,
I looked at those few words and asked myself why, when I reject so much of
religious language, do these words particularly strike me? And why might Charles
have chosen them?
I realized that, most of my life. I
have been bothered whenever others have been left out by language, style or
action because their language, style or action doesn’t “fit”. This concern, no
doubt, arises from my own struggle to belong. Somehow, as I was growing up, and
even as an adult, I just did not fit in the way it was expected and either
shunned or, more often, pressed to fit in. Many times in my journey I
experienced the pain and loneliness of that. This, and my difficult health
journey, affected, ultimately, my choice of career in later years and how I
viewed those who came to me – wounded perhaps, but still accepted by the same
creative force, and courageous for having come this far. As a counselor,
in order for healing to take place, it was necessary to be receptive to the views of others,
trying to use their eyes to understand what’s behind their way of knowing, doing
and being.
It has been a long journey in
learning from others’ views, their religions, their cultures, their processing
of the world. It was late in my life that I finally was able to shed the
judgmentalism that so pervaded my being. I no longer feel that I must argue my
point against another’s. I am more likely to perceive the “other” as traveling
the earth in whatever way creation has taken them; and unless they are doing
harm to themselves or others in a way that allows me to interfere positively and
safely, I will not quarrel with the path they have chosen. The knowing, doing
and being of each person on this earth creates an amazing patchwork quilt of
existence in which is joined different scraps of color and design in odd shapes
which, through patience, fit together perfectly to create something that is
strangely beautiful in its wild design.
In no way
assuming that someone had the same journey as I, and realizing that no one is
fully known by another, this is the Charles I think of , choosing this section
of the bible. As I listened to the remembrances of others, I realized that the
quotation reflected his life – a man who believed that all are accepted at
the table; receptive to the views of others, therefore not prone to argument,
the quiet listener, a man of practical solution, responding only when he felt it
necessary and, most of all, allowing whomever he met to be part of the quilt.
Thank you,
again, for finding a way that would allow so many of us across the world to
celebrate his life, and for giving me an opportunity to reflect upon my
own.
Del
We are all dependent on
one another, every soul of us on earth.
(George Bernard
Shaw)