The Day of the Dead
I am writing this witness on
this 2021 Day of the Dead as I am prepare for my 80th birthday
witness. It seems an appropriate time as I enter, what is likely, my last
decade. And the movie Coco (animated film about the Land of the Dead) had such
a profound impact on me about what it means to honor the dead and prepare them
to return from the Land of the Dead. You must have their picture on your desk
or on your wall. The key to coming back from the Land of the Dead is knowing
you are being remembered. I now have my Mom and Dad’s picture on my desk.
Maybe more importantly, death has had a major impact in
my last couple of years. But ever since reading the Carlos Castaneda quote, “When
you need an answer look over your left shoulder and ask your death…. death is
the only wise advisor we have”, I have been fascinated by death.
I have always done something special on entering a new
decade and, somehow, each has had something to do with a ‘death defining’
event.
While celebrating my 50th
birthday I was in Zambia staying with the Bergdalls. They decided to help
me celebrate my 50th by giving me a gift: free white water rafting
down the Zambezi River. Should have known better when they said you first had
to practice falling out of the raft in a swimming pool and explained the river
is incredible, a class 5 rapids (only goes up to 5), rushing with many hidden
dangers. And we practiced a dead man’s float. The guidebook said it was considered
Extreme Entertainment. Plus, to get us
in the right readiness, the guides told us about people they had lost in the
last week. To say this was a life changing experience of living on the edge
would put it mildly… but I made it.
And
then there was my 70th in Nepal. Sally and two of our friends
went four days early to the ICA Global Conference in Katmandu. My daughter, the
travel planner said we would love walking the Himalayan Mountains foothills
with guides and Sherpas (the guys who carry your bags). We chose the Annapurna
area to go trekking along the foothills. We started talking about 20,000 feet
(where you need additional oxygen) but kept lowering the height till we decided
to go to 6,000 feet. Did well going up. But then on the third day it was time
to come down. The new, added ingredient was rain- heavy rain. The trail is just
rocks, but now wet and slippery- going down was twice as hard with death
defying drops. I barely made it down.
So,
you can see my decade celebrations have turned out to be wild adventures that
brought me to the edge of my life experiences. But this 80th decade
decided to bring its own life-edge experiences. My partner Sally Stovall’s
death was an awesome experience into the mystery of life. To mark this
experience, a group of friends helped design a program for people dealing with
death. Seva Gandhi was critical as a master of a zoom/google drive that allows
for dialogue and a highly engaging process. The support team is Pam Bergdall, Cheryl
Kartes and Mary D’Souza. I just wrote a note on the Last Chapter Program I
would like to share- it is the results of focusing on our death.
The Last Chapter
Program
Shaping my
relationship to the mystery of my death and, therefore, my life.
In 2020, we prepared a four-session program that would help
people think through their aspirations for the later part of their life. This
pilot program has guided seventy-two people from 5 different countries in 4
different cohorts: two in 2020 and two in 2021 There are currently 5 people who
are coaches for the course. After 2021 we anticipate offering the program to
the public. The demand to look at what some call “a real spiritual deficit in
our society” is enormous. Before I die, what do I want to accomplish? Let’s be
serious about this one life we have.
The What: We are piloting a workshop/seminar
or series, that would allow people (no matter what age) to think seriously and
intentionally about their final journey in life, their death, and make concrete
decisions about their funeral/memorial service, organ or body donation,
distribution of assets, obituary, burial/ cremation/ natural, etc. The course
allows for many small groups which is conducive to listening to others and
doing exercises.
The Four Sessions. One crucial aspect is that we end
each of the 4 four-hour monthly sessions by sharing individually what we want
to accomplish by our next gathering.
Session One: Life Story. A lifetime
Planning exercise: reflection on your life to tell your unique story through
identifying turning points and themes. The session ends with what are your next
steps of your life work: obituary work, book groups and movies to watch.
Session Two: Scenario Planning Workshop:
Identifying and then creating scenarios to enable you to intentionally and
meaningfully live out the remainder of your life over the next ten years. What
are key factors, external forces, and critical uncertainties of my future.
Finally, what are common issues which are blocks to end of life planning?
Session Three: Action Planning for the next six
months; when, what and how; planning your memorial service.
Session Four: Building your Life Plan and using it
to help shape your constructive relationship to end of life. Life planning- What’s
next.
Participants Reflections:
·
“It provided a community learning
experience regarding a topic not usually spoken about, while it is a universal
experience.”
·
“It was a vehicle to state my intent
for my wishes after death for my resources and legacy”
·
My starting premise is that many, many people
need this and will benefit. It is a service to them, to their children and
communities- and far too few have given this any thought, much less a thorough
examination.”
A useful guide book: “I’m Dead, Now What?”
Dick Alton. A member of the Other World, since
1968