[Oe List ...] Ongoing Reflections

Mon Jul 7 19:56:44 PDT 2025

Thank you, Marsha, David, and Shelly, 

                                   and all who have participated in this rich sharing,

I am sorry for the pain and abuse you experienced due to systematic harm and neglect by myself and men and women of the Order Ecumenical.

Some members knew, others failed to know, and still others ignored the mistreatment of children and youth. Regardless, you (Marsha, David and Shelly) suffered. You were treated like no one should be treated. You were dismissed and violated. You endured pain you did not deserve. That was wrong. 

My three daughters also experienced abuse while living in the Order. Conversations among us about Order times never come easily. My girls ask: “What were you thinking, Mom?” and “How did that make you feel?” or “What happened to your courage?” 

With my silence and misplaced priorities, I hurt you. I deeply regret my lack of sensitivity and care.

Respectfully,

Leah Early 

> On Jul 7, 2025, at 1:18 PM, Geri Tolman via OE <oe at lists.wedgeblade.net> wrote:
> 
> I am so thankful that David and Marsha have shared their wisdom with our community and have once again prompted conversations, reflections and (dare I say it?) healing to all of our families.  Their writings are such a gift to those of us who still have the luxury of time to spend with our “kids”.
> 
> Thank you also to Cheryl for your reply which echos my sentiments. 
> 
> May we all heal and be strong enough to continue caring. 
> 
> Respectfully,
> Geri Tolman
> 
> Sent from my iPhone
> 
>> On Jul 7, 2025, at 1:43 PM, Dianne Greenwald via OE <oe at lists.wedgeblade.net> wrote:
>> 
>> Much gratitude from me for all of your participation in holding ALL of our history.  My daughter suffered many years from abuse that occurred at a very young age.  And neglect from parents who did love her very much but were not present and unable to meet the emotional psychological distress she struggled with.  She was an adult when we finally accessed what happened 
>> Years later-Recently through Buddhist practices we have come to care for each other in deep new honest ways which are building a beautiful relationship still requiring much staying present and seeing through.    I’m grateful for all of the journey.   She’s visiting this week.  This morning I realized-acknowledged to her I am learning to love the violent protector of your little girl so that it may be free to let you go.You have the little girl now safely in your own love.   
>> AND…Somehow at the end of this journey the work of learning to create a space where we walk safely together IS on behalf of all.  
>> Again thank you all for holding this space together.
>> Dianne Greenwald  
>> Sent from my iPhone
>> 
>>> On Jul 7, 2025, at 2:42 AM, Sunny Walker via OE <oe at lists.wedgeblade.net> wrote:
>>> 
>>> 
>>> Thank you for expressing my own sense.
>>> Sunny
>>> 
>>> 
>>> On Sun, Jul 6, 2025, 9:18 PM Cheryl Hood via OE <oe at lists.wedgeblade.net <mailto:oe at lists.wedgeblade.net>> wrote:
>>>> Marsha,
>>>> 
>>>> I am going to be very presumptive here and offer a reponse on behalf of the many good folks in this community.  The deafening silence you hear is not people avoiding the topic you raised; but people who have been stunned, shamed, and humiliated into silence, not knowing what the proper response is.
>>>> 
>>>> The proper response includes NO defenses, or justification. We are all internalizing the intense pain you must have felt. How alone, how powerless, you must have experienced yourself. On behalf of all of us, I offer an abject apology that we weren't present to that pain at the time.
>>>> 
>>>> I was so moved by your affirmation of the other gifts of the Order, and your colleagues, in the face of that pain. Thank you for offering that; it provides a glimpse into the healing that has taken place.
>>>> 
>>>> I hope that you had the opportunity and experience of confronting this - and resolving it - with your parents. As a parent, I can tell you that the pain of knowing your child suffered something so devastating is only matched by the pain of knowing we failed you in that moment. All the wonderful Order teachings and platitudes about Grace fall away in the face of our children's pain at our own hands.
>>>> 
>>>> We appreciate your courage as we wrestle with our own justification. Thank you for sharing; and forgive our inadequate responses.
>>>> 
>>>> Cheryl Hood
>>>> 
>>>> On Sat, Jul 5, 2025 at 4:09 PM Marsha Hahn via OE <oe at lists.wedgeblade.net <mailto:oe at lists.wedgeblade.net>> wrote:
>>>>> Marilyn,
>>>>> 
>>>>> I so appreciate your thoughtful reply. I'm aware of the silence on the OE listserv since I wrote several days ago. A heaviness has come over me, too. 
>>>>> 
>>>>> Thank you for your deep, honest sharing. I appreciate hearing the intensely compelling things going on in the world and the church that drew you and Joe to the Order. That was a time of awakening and consciousness-raising -- civil rights, war protest, etc. I can see how the OE and EI were a vehicle for living out that new consciousness. 
>>>>> 
>>>>> It sounds like a brave move for you, Judy, and Mimi to make your case to JWM to take your children with you to India. I'm glad the three of you prevailed. I have no doubt that it mattered to you and your kids. 
>>>>> 
>>>>> Thank you again for being so open and honest in your sharing.
>>>>> 
>>>>> Marsha
>>>>> 
>>>>> 
>>>>> On Thursday, July 3, 2025 at 08:53:49 PM PDT, Mari Crocker <maricrocker at gmail.com <mailto:maricrocker at gmail.com>> wrote:
>>>>> 
>>>>> 
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