[Oe List ...] 9/03/20, Progressing Spirit: Brian McLaren: So… if we care, what do we say?; Spong revisited
Ellie Stock
elliestock at aol.com
Thu Sep 3 03:22:48 PDT 2020
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So… if we care, what do we say?
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| Essay by Brian D. McLaren
September 3, 2020
Recently, I received an email from a reader who asked, “Hi Brian. I would love to know your thoughts on speaking with close family members who are active or retired police officers during this time. I’m seeing so many black activists and white allies calling for the police force to be defunded and dismantled. I’m seeing hundreds of videos of police violence against peaceful protestors. I’m angry and sad and don’t know what to say to those who have served faithfully and made police work their life’s work. Any help you can give is appreciated. Your work has meant so much to me through the last few years and I so appreciate your pastoral voice.”
I was struck by the spirit of the question: this person cares about the violence being done to Black lives and this person also cares about the well-being of honest police officers who see themselves as public servants. That wide aperture of empathy is such a good place to begin. So… if we care, what do we say?
Christians in different times and in different places would answer this question very differently. In the earliest centuries of Christianity, for example, to be a Christian meant to be a nonviolent peacemaker, which made the bearing of arms unthinkable. For example, in the Second Century, Hippolytus said, “A soldier of the civil authority must be taught not to kill men and to refuse to do so if he is commanded, and to refuse to take an oath. If he is unwilling to comply, he must be rejected for baptism. A military commander or civic magistrate must resign or be rejected. If a believer seeks to become a soldier, he must be rejected, for he has despised God” (On Idolatry Chapter 19: Concerning Military Service).
In our context in the U.S., when nearly all of us can close our eyes and replay the video of a white police officer with his knee on the neck of a black man, we are in a moment of profound reckoning. On the one hand, how do we take seriously the deep-seated white supremacy that is so embedded in all facets of our government, including police departments? On the other hand, how do we appreciate and support active and retired police officers in our families, neighborhoods, and congregations who want to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem?
Here is a line of pastoral conversation that I can recommend. I’m not saying this is the only way to respond, but it is a way that could lead people beyond defensiveness into a space of curiosity and desire to understand.
1. Lead with empathy. Say something like, “I can imagine this hasn’t been an easy time to be a police officer. How has it been for you?” Then, listen with empathy. And use active listening skills - with responses like, “That must be frustrating… frightening… discouraging,” etc. If you set the stage with sincere empathy, you create space for real communication — and even communion — to occur. Without empathy, you’ll probably just end up in an argument, increasing defensiveness and distrust.
2. Show curiosity. Ask specific questions like these: “How was it for you being a police officer before George Floyd’s killing and the recent protests? How has it changed since the protests began? How did you get interested in being an officer? What have been the hardest and most rewarding things about your career as an officer? How do you think things can get better? In what ways can you empathize with African-Americans who are afraid of the police? Have you seen things on the inside that concern you?” Your curiosity allows you to become even more empathetic and understanding. Already, that’s a win.
3. Go deeper. If you feel it’s appropriate, you might ask a question with sincere curiosity — and without setting a “gotcha” trap, something like, “I’m curious: How do you feel about the Black Lives Matter movement and the call to defund police?” Ask clarifying questions. Seek to understand how and why they feel as they do. Try to translate your own reactivity into curiosity… seeking to understand before seeking to be understood.
4. Make an offer. If you think your conversation partner is misinformed, rather than pushing back in a way that will instantly make them defensive and even combative, make an offer, saying something like, “I see that differently. If you’d be interested, I’ll be glad to explain how I understand the problem. Then I’d be interested in how you would respond.” Or if you don’t feel prepared to offer a better understanding, offer to do some research. “You’ve got me thinking. I’d like to do some research into this problem. Would you be open to me getting back in touch with you about it? I value your perspective as an officer yourself, and I value our relationship.”
5. Be constructive. In the presence of disagreement, position yourself not as an antagonist, but as a peacemaker. If you hit an impasse, you have at least three options.
.....A. You might ask an imaginative question like this: “How do you think officers like you and citizens like me can work together to address the racism that is still part of our society? How can we get to a place that is better for everybody — for police officers and for people who are worried they might be the next victim of police misconduct?” Sometimes, getting people engaged in imagining solutions is the best way to cure their misdiagnosis of the problem.
.....B. You might simply achieve disagreement by restating one another’s positions fairly. You could say, “Wow. I think I see that differently. Let me see if I can put where you’re coming from in my own words… Is that it?” Or, “Could you try to put my perspective into your own words?” This habit puts you “on the same side” in trying to understand one another — a very different posture than trying to conquer the other.
.....C. You might offer a non-directive felt response. You might say, “Wow. That concerns me,” or “I see what you’re saying, even though it worries me,” or, “Wow, I feel your anger and hurt. I see the situation very differently.” You shift the focus from an argument to a human-to-human communication of feeling.
This entire strategy is based on years of making well-intentioned mistakes that led me to do some research on bias and why it’s so hard for people to change their minds (see Why Don’t They Get It? available here: https://brianmclaren.net/store/). If I were to summarize in a couple of sentences, I’d say first, that people can’t see what they can’t see unless someone helps them, and second, that people usually come to truth through relationship. A caring and non-aggressive conversation partner can be the bridge to help others to see things in a new way, and can be an agent of healing where there have been misunderstanding and wounds.
And that’s not just true for others. It’s true for me too. And you.
~ Brian D. McLaren
Read online here
About the Author
Brian D. McLaren is an author, speaker, activist, and public theologian. A former college English teacher and pastor, he is a passionate advocate for “a new kind of Christianity” – just, generous, and working with people of all faiths for the common good. He is an Auburn Senior Fellow and a leader in the Convergence Network, through which he is developing an innovative training/mentoring program for pastors, church planters, and lay leaders called Convergence Leadership Project. He works closely with the Center for Progressive Renewal/Convergence, the Wild Goose Festival and the Fair Food Program‘s Faith Working Group. His most recent joint project is an illustrated children’s book (for all ages) called Cory and the Seventh Story. Other recent books include: The Great Spiritual Migration, We Make the Road by Walking, and Why Did Jesus, Moses, the Buddha, and Mohammed Cross the Road? (Christian Identity in a Multi-Faith World).
Brian is a popular conference speaker and a frequent guest lecturer for denominational and ecumenical leadership gatherings – across the US and Canada, Latin America, Europe, Africa, and Asia. He has written for or contributed interviews to many periodicals, including Leadership, Sojourners, Tikkun, Worship Leader, and Conversations and is a frequent guest on television, radio, and news media programs, he has appeared on All Things Considered, Larry King Live, Nightline, On Being, and Religion and Ethics Newsweekly. His work has also been covered in Time, New York Times, Christianity Today, Christian Century, the Washington Post, Huffington Post, CNN.com, and many other print and online media.
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Question & Answer
Q: By A Reader
I have been an on and off member of a church for 15 years. The church is Assemblies of God, but the pastor is more liberal in his style of message giving. They can’t and don’t speak to the issues of gayness and they would say that Jesus is the only way to God. This pastor has meant so much to me. He introduced me to the person of Jesus, which has led to my graduate studies in theology. Problem is, I am much more progressive than they are. I’ve had a troubled childhood, so my journey to God has been fraught with questions, which theology school is helping me to investigate.
I also have a child who dislikes Sunday school at this church, which makes me sad. I want her to feel excited about knowing God, but the language they use sometimes is a bit unapproachable – even reading the Bible to a kid with words like “righteous” means nothing – even to me.
I was going to try the Universalist Unitarian church, but it seems to denounce God and lessen Jesus. I want to be a Christian and I want to show my daughter who God is and can be, but I’m at a loss. Do I stay where I am or do I join a less Christian church? Either way I will feel like an outsider.
A: By Rev. Amanda Hambrick Ashcraft
Dear Reader,
Thank you for sharing your heart and your journey. Your questions and processing are all part of what it means to be a person of Faith. One thing I always remind myself is that there is no perfect church. In the same way, there is no perfect denomination.
That being said, it may help you to spend some time thinking about what some non-negotiables are for you. Is preaching that Jesus is the only way to God a deal-breaker? Or is that okay as long as you can create opportunities and space for your thoughts around that in other areas? Is Sunday School for your child a deal-breaker? Is lessening Jesus a deal breaker?
Another helpful reminder is that the dogma, doctrine, Sunday School, or even one leader at a church doesn't make up the entirety of the place. The church is the people! By virtue of you bringing yourself and YOUR beliefs and questions to the space, the Church is - or at least should be - fluid. If you're happy with many aspects of a Church but want to push for change or question some aspects, it's your place to do just that. If your pushing leads to a rub with one of your non-negotiables, then maybe it's time to look around. My prayer for you is that you don't feel like an outsider wherever you land, but rather that the person of Jesus and the promises of God allow for you to feel right inside God's dreams.
~ Rev. Amanda Hambrick Ashcraft
Read and share online here
About the Author
Rev. Amanda Hambrick Ashcraft is an activist, organizer, Baptist minister, and mother of five-year-old twins Zane and Levi and four-year-old Skyler. She is the Executive Minister for Justice and Movement Building at Middle Collegiate Church and the founder of Raising Imagination, a platform that examines social change at the intersections of faith, parenting and politics. Her activism has been featured on CNN, MSNBC, Yahoo, the Wall Street Journal, Refinery29, and Bust and she is a regular writer and inaugural board member of The Resistance Prays. She and her family live in the East Village of Manhattan and fight the patriarchy and examine their racism and spirituality together, one cheerio at a time.
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Bishop John Shelby Spong Revisited
A Church Tower in a Shopping Center!
A Restaurant in a Church! Is This Evolving Christianity?
Essay by Bishop John Shelby Spong
November 26, 2009
I have just completed a whirlwind tour of the United Kingdom — nine lectures in eight days in places as far east as Colchester, as far north as Edinburgh, as far west as Exeter and as far south as London. This tour was under the auspices of a group called the Progressive Christian Network of the United Kingdom, or PCN-UK, which is chaired by Hugh Dawes, a remarkable Anglican priest. These lectures, attended by just under 2,000 people, tapped into a religious yearning that is clearly a growing presence in this deeply secular nation. The content of each lecture was some aspect of the subject of life after death and whether the concept of eternal life can still be held with integrity by modern men and women. I returned home with a new hopefulness about the Anglican Communion in the UK.
The PCN has formed some 35-plus study cells in various towns and cities throughout the UK that meet regularly, mostly monthly, but a few weekly. Attendance at each group averages between 20 and 25 people, drawn from current and lapsed Anglicans, Roman Catholics, Methodists and the United Reformed Church, a combination of Presbyterians and Congregationalists.
In Colchester, the lecture was held in the Lion’s Walk United Reformed Church. This church was originally a large stone structure near the center of the city. As the city grew it became surrounded by a variety of shops, but very few homes, and slowly the value of the property rose as a commercial site. When the repairs on the old structure began to drain the church of its life and assets, a decision was made to tear it down and to take advantage of its value by allowing the site to be developed for commercial purposes. The congregation, however, saw the value of continuing to worship in that same location and the shopping center also wanted the church to be part of its new venture. This mutual desire produced a remarkable new thing.
The church building was razed to the ground except for the proud tower, its primary identifying mark. The tower was then restored and it stands today in the middle of the site, rising high above the shops as this center’s most recognizable feature. This ecclesiastical landmark, drawing people to it, provides the shopping center with a sign of permanence. At the eye level of shoppers is a glass case in the tower that enumerates the continuing Sunday and weekly activities of this URC congregation. Hundreds of people pass these announcements each day. Near this tower are large glass doors directing people to the church. Inside, potential worshippers have the choice of navigating two flights of stairs or of entering an elevator. Both lead to the church itself, which is now located above the shops. The new worship space is large and octagonal, with the familiar stained glass windows from the old church setting a tone of reverence and continuity in this new environment. It seats perhaps three hundred, yet it still projects a sense of intimacy. Offices, washrooms, Sunday school rooms, activity rooms and a kitchen complete the church’s “upper room” facilities, providing far more modern and usable space than this congregation had ever previously enjoyed. Parking is no problem for the members of this congregation on Sunday or for those attending evening activities, for adequate parking is provided by the shopping center. Today this congregation is vital, alive, engaged and led by a newly installed pastor who is a Scottish Presbyterian.
Included in the congregation are people of remarkable ability. There is Norman Hart, a retired journalist, who has spent a good part of his life working in various countries in Africa training young African journalists to take their places in the Africa of the future; his wife, Linda Hart, sings with the London Choral Society, for which she takes the train up to London once a week to attend rehearsals. Together she and Norman anchor the church choir. Then there is Linda Harrison, who is the congregation’s liaison to the national Progressive Christian Network and the organizer of the nationwide study cells.
The benefits of the new arrangement with the shopping center have placed this congregation on a firm financial footing, and it is now busy about the task of transforming its life and doing its ministry. The members of this congregation are eager to engage the contemporary world in all of its complexity, not to hide from it or to become a ghetto of irrelevant evangelical fervor within it. I was deeply impressed with their vision.
Two other churches on the tour have long been the power centers of a progressive Christianity in England. One is St. James’ in Piccadilly Circus in London, which from the days of its former rectors, Donald Reeves and Charles Headley, has become a major place of interfaith activity in Great Britain. The other was St. Mark’s in the Broomhill section of Sheffield, which is the center of England’s steel industry some three hours north of London in the Midlands. This church was served for over 20 years by Adrian Alker, an incredibly gifted priest. As part of his ministry he started an organization called “The Center for Radical Christianity.” Through the years he nurtured this congregation into a new understanding of Christianity, regularly introducing the members to frontier scholars of the Christian faith and so building this church into a center of intellectual exploration. Naturally, he frightened local ecclesiastical authorities, which seems to have been the response of religious leaders from the time of Jesus on, when anyone dares to step outside the box of conventional thinking. While the authorities quaked in their boots and sought to marginalize this priest, his congregation grew and thrived. English bishops seem content to watch churches in their dioceses die of boredom all the while fearing that they might be disturbed by controversy. I was fascinated to learn on this tour that the authorities in several of the dioceses near the locations of the various lectures had refused to publish notices of the PCN-sponsored lecture tour for fear that some of “the faithful” might come and be upset by ideas about which they had never heard, even though these ideas have been abroad in academic Christian circles for at least the last two hundred years!
St. John’s Episcopal Church in downtown Edinburgh with its rector, John Ames, was another remarkable church on this tour. It was packed for the lecture and had to close its doors and allow no more people to attend under the fire code of the city that limits the number of people that can safely be in each public building at any one time. I had the honor of being introduced on this stop by a man I regard as the most creative bishop in the Anglican Communion today. His name is Richard Holloway, the former Primus of the Scottish Episcopal Church. Referring to my book Eternal Life: A New Vision, Bishop Holloway announced that they had worked out a special price with the publisher Harper/Collins to make this book available at the price of ten pounds, “a price below that of Amazon,” he said Then he asked, “Where else can you buy Eternal Life for ten quid?” If that were literally true it would indeed be a bargain, well below the cost of indulgences once sold to gain the same end.
When I got to St. Luke’s, Holloway, in North London, I discovered that this church had turned its worship space into a series of candlelit tables and chairs around which the people drank wine as they listened to the lecture. Their priest is Dave Tomlinson, whose book describing new understandings of Christianity has been a topic of much conversation in the Anglican Communion. Moving on to St. Faith’s Church, Dulwich, in South London, I looked out on a rainbow congregation of multiple ethnicities. There were also in the congregation on that Sunday a number of retired priests; a young Scottish infectious-disease doctor and his social worker wife who hailed from California; a Harvard Divinity School graduate who chose not to be ordained; and many other fascinating people. The Sunday school was made up of primarily African, Indian and Asian children who reflected the mix of the neighborhood. Hugh Dawes, the head of PCN, was the vicar here and he has led this church in his gentle but stretching style for well over twenty years. The hymns that Sunday were contemporary, not the dirges of the English hymnal whose title is “Hymns: Ancient and Modern” but which seems really to mean “ancient hymns and not-quite-so-ancient hymns.” They used a contemporary creed that was not bound to the three-tiered universe of a pre-Galileo mentality, but still touched the essentials of the Christian story. Hugh also included those traditions that longtime Anglicans would feel related them to their past: familiar vestments, incense and other trappings of English Christianity.
The lecture tour then moved west to another refurbished United Reformed Church adjacent to another shopping center in Exeter that is served by a gay pastor, Iain McDonald, who lives openly with his partner of some years. This congregation’s enthusiastic embrace of the gifts of this pastor demonstrates new levels of consciousness. Then we moved on to Hereford, where the lecture tour concluded in a downtown, liturgically conservative Anglican Church named All Saints. This church had earlier been marked by its bishop for closure since there were no longer any people living near its commercial location. Instead, however, a creative rector named Andrew Mottim decided to turn half of this church’s building, including the balcony, into a vegetarian restaurant that today serves mid-morning coffee and “biscuits” and afternoon tea and “sponge” to shoppers. In addition it serves an average of four hundred vegetarian lunches each day. This vegetarian restaurant is set in full view of the church’s altar and chapel where the Eucharist is celebrated regularly. Both kinds of eating, lunch and the Eucharist, are in this place deemed to be holy.
These were some of the signs of hope, creativity and new life that I saw everywhere I went. These churches formed the background against which a new Christianity for a new world is emerging in secular Great Britain. I have renewed hope.
~ John Shelby Spong
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Announcements
My Resources for Churches (and everyone else!)
Every so often, I put out a “musing” that is a guide to my writings and videos. It’s that time when churches make plans for their program year, so this is a good moment to share links to my materials for worship, study, and spiritual practice. Use freely. All I ask is attribution!
~ Rev. Jim Burklo Read On...
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