[Oe List ...] KINDLING THE LIFE QUALITY

[Joyce Bonafield]

Thanks for this -- it's inspiring.  Right now I find myself practicing
"Acting Opposite" (a skill from DBT training for therapists).  Someone's
yelling, taking a lot of oxygen out of the room in a public place, and I
might go up to him/her and talk in a very calm, soothing voice, offering a
greeting, but not reacting to their behavior...often a bit shocking to the
person.  Or if someone verbally attacks you or is just plain rude, you act
just the opposite (the way you'd like to see them be)...again, often
startling to this person, since they are likely used to, and expect a
like-response...and you refuse to be anything but kind and interested in
them.

--Joyce Bonafield-Pierce
bonafieldcohort26 at gmail.com
   Minneapolis

On Tue, Mar 10, 2020 at 3:14 PM Terry Bergdall via OE <
oe at lists.wedgeblade.net> wrote:

> *KINDLING THE LIFE QUALITY*, Brian Stanfield
>
>
>
> Some years ago, I remember someone saying to a bunch of us in India, "It
> only takes a feather to trigger the deeps." I've been experimenting with
> ways to shift people's mood at the supermarket checkout counter. I'm a shy
> kind of person, so I've been surprising myself lately. I have lots of
> opportunities to do this, since I do all the grocery shopping for our
> family.
>
>
> I've got used to waiting for it. Uh-oh, here it comes. The man behind me
> says, "Why does it always take so l-o-o-o-ng?"-- referring to the check-out
> process. I have given up attempting to remind them of their existential
> situation of being in the world. Instead, I try to divert their attention.
> This is an old trick I learned from my wife who has used it on me on
> innumerable occasions when I have sunk into the abyss.
>
>
> Last Friday, when the grouching happened at the Dominion store, I looked
> around and my eyes lit on this Halloween display a few feet away. I said,
> "Well, great gravy, will you get a load of that?" It was a figure of the
> Grim Reaper. At a signal, its eyes would flash fire. It was a fearsome
> sight, yet fascinating. I heard the complainers behind me: " Ooo, Alfred,
> look at that, isn't that something." Soon, the whole line was preoccupied
> with the Grim Reaper's performance. It was a small thing, but suddenly the
> mood shifted; the pall of complaints was gone.
>
>
> One of my colleagues has the practice of going into places like licensing
> bureaus, or dentist lounges, and saying in a loud voice, "GOOD MORNING, HOW
> ARE WE ALL TODAY?" He says the effect is startling. People come out of
> their lethargy and introversion and recognize their innate sociality.
>
>
> There are few situations that couldn't do with a turn of the dial, and a
> calling forth to living life fully. "It means kindling the life quality
> where it was not." I invite us once again to pick up that stance and find
> opportunities to do some kindling today.
>
>
> ++++++++++++++++++++
>
> Note from Terry:
>
> Brian provided an example of a good witness. Therefore, it implies some
> helpful GUIDELINES about preparing one:  (1) at the heart of a witness is
> the sharing of a personal life experience, (2) followed by highlighting an
> underlying truth about life, i.e., "a spiritual insight," revealed in the
> experience, and (3) it is short; it can be read in about 3 minutes.
>
> As stated before, members of this group are invited to share a witness
> anytime they choose. There will be no assigned schedule.
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