[Oe List ...] Remembering Barbara

Sat Jun 15 20:00:54 PDT 2013

Just a note to say that Charles and I went to Indianapolis yesterday to
participate in Barbara's funeral. It was held in a small, well-filled
chapel that is a part of the nursing home where she finished her life. The
chaplain there led the service. We sang Amazing Grace, and then anyone who
wished to share a memory of Barbara was invited to do so. Several people
who had worked with Barb in Training Inc. in Indy and others who had known
her in the nursing home shared short and delightful stories. Our colleague,
John Gibson told about having been impressed with Barb's leading a workshop
on very short notice during the 1984 global gathering in Chicago. He
remembered how she had done that job with great aplomb, even though without
time to prepare. He also told us about Barbara's coming to Indy from
Guatemala to study Training Inc. in order to put that learning to work back
in Guatemala. She brought with her a big bag of braided "bracelets" which
she planned to sell in order to buy her return ticket. John had one
bracelet to show us and laughingly said that was the only one he could find
around his house, though he had finally bought the whole bag full when Barb
had little success selling them. John asked me to add to the stories, and I
mostly talked about Barb's having worked in many countries and continents
around the globe. When I said I wished I could remember all the places,
John quickly handed me the obituary that he had printed; so I was able to
share the (long) list.

Several of our Indy colleagues attended the service, as well as Bill's
sister and her husband from Connecticut and a few Alerding cousins. Barbara
had no living family. The service itself seemed totally appropriate, with
hymns, scripture, and memories of Barb, all reminding us that life is a
gift that is crowned by death.

Grace and Peace to us all,
Doris Hahn

On Sat, Jun 15, 2013 at 6:01 PM, Marilyn Crocker <marilyncrocker at juno.com>wrote:

> Dear Pat and family,****
>
> ** **
>
> You and I communicated in 2011 at the time of Bill’s passing, and again,
> may I extend my condolences to you on the loss of Barbara, one terrific
> lady.****
>
> ** **
>
> I first met Barb in 1968 on the West Side of Chicago when my husband, Joe,
> and I arrived for an “intern year” with the Ecumenical Institute – a
> commitment that extended for 22 more years as we became members of the
> Order Ecumenical.  Barb was then Barbara Pouler, and I’m not sure she had
> yet even met Bill.  The EI staff lived in the former Bethany Seminary, just
> off the Eisenhower Expressway, and there always seemed to be “repairs and
> improvements” necessary.  As part of our discipline, we had quarterly “work
> weekends” when we scraped and painted and transformed the spaces used by
> participants in regular weekend courses as well as apartments used by staff
> families.  Barb and I were often assigned to the same “team” and her
> company and philosophical conversations made those long, laborious hours so
> full of delight for me – always replete with lots of laughter.  Barb helped
> me to mollify my tendency to take *everything* so seriously.****
>
> ** **
>
> In 1976 I had the treat of being assigned to work with Barb and Bill in
> Kreutsburg Ost, Germany and El Bayad, Egypt, where my role was to train
> them to take over two of the leadership roles Joe and I had played the year
> before in facilitating the first 8 Human Development Consults.  What a gift
> they were  --and such a pair of “quick studies” in the complex research and
> planning processes of the week-long consult in the local community, plus
> another week writing the summary document – a key tool for garnering
> funding for the local socio-economic renewal projects – Barb with her
> easy-going “well let’s think this through another way” approach, and Bill
> with his proactive “let’s get moving or we’ll never pull this off!”  I
> loved them both so much and consider the 2+ months I worked with them a
> treasure – even tho’ that “assignment” had required that I leave Maliwada
> village in India (and my husband and 5 year-old twin sons) just three weeks
> after we had arrived from NYC!  I’m sure Bill and Barb filled you in over
> the years on those quick-turnaround responses to “the mission.”****
>
> ** **
>
> What I beheld in Bill and Barbara’s relationship was akin to what I have
> been blessed with – true and unconditional love.  My husband, Joe, 14 years
> my senior, and now 85, is wrestling with progressive memory loss; Bill was
> 10 years younger than Barb, and must have mourned the loss of her presence
> and spark as his partner in so many activities, especially after she
> entered the long term care facility. I hope her last days were comfortable,
> and that her two years without Bill had some significant meaning and
> spiritual substance.  I say this without knowing at all what her illness or
> frailty was, but believing that if such were within reach, she would
> embrace it.****
>
> ** **
>
> When Bill and Barb visited us here in West Newfield, ME about 10 years
> ago, they gifted us with a lovely Crate and Barrel bowl – far more generous
> than the usual overnight guest’s gift.  I fill it with bananas, grapes,
> strawberries, tomatoes – variously, whatever the season – and always think
> of them.  The other image from their visit is a funny one:  at that time
> our guest room was on the first floor (now it is on the 2nd with queen
> sized bed and private bath) and the old fashioned double bed only allowed
> one night table with lamp in the far corner – plus the guests would have to
> trek to the bathroom through the living room and the dining room!  Ever the
> one to care responsibly for space requirements *and* intellectual
> pursuits, Barb asked me – “So, kiddo, how will Bill (who chose to sleep on
> the side near the door in order to get to the bathroom quickly) be able to
> read HIS book if we’ve only got one light?”  We immediately hooked up a
> floor lamp. J****
>
> ** **
>
> That is such the Barb Alerding I love!!****
>
> ** **
>
> Please know that as long as many of us continue “on this mortal plain,” I
> will hold Barbara before us as one of the first “new” women – of the ilk
> that have, indeed, shaped history.****
>
> ** **
>
> With love and appreciation,****
>
> ** **
>
> Marilyn****
>
> ** **
>
> Marilyn R. Crocker, Ed.D****
>
> 123 Sanborn Rd****
>
> West Newfield, ME 04095****
>
> ** **
>
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