[Oe List ...] Remembering Barbara

[Marilyn Crocker]

Dear Pat and family,

 

You and I communicated in 2011 at the time of Bill's passing, and again, may
I extend my condolences to you on the loss of Barbara, one terrific lady.

 

I first met Barb in 1968 on the West Side of Chicago when my husband, Joe,
and I arrived for an "intern year" with the Ecumenical Institute - a
commitment that extended for 22 more years as we became members of the Order
Ecumenical.  Barb was then Barbara Pouler, and I'm not sure she had yet even
met Bill.  The EI staff lived in the former Bethany Seminary, just off the
Eisenhower Expressway, and there always seemed to be "repairs and
improvements" necessary.  As part of our discipline, we had quarterly "work
weekends" when we scraped and painted and transformed the spaces used by
participants in regular weekend courses as well as apartments used by staff
families.  Barb and I were often assigned to the same "team" and her company
and philosophical conversations made those long, laborious hours so full of
delight for me - always replete with lots of laughter.  Barb helped me to
mollify my tendency to take everything so seriously.

 

In 1976 I had the treat of being assigned to work with Barb and Bill in
Kreutsburg Ost, Germany and El Bayad, Egypt, where my role was to train them
to take over two of the leadership roles Joe and I had played the year
before in facilitating the first 8 Human Development Consults.  What a gift
they were  --and such a pair of "quick studies" in the complex research and
planning processes of the week-long consult in the local community, plus
another week writing the summary document - a key tool for garnering funding
for the local socio-economic renewal projects - Barb with her easy-going
"well let's think this through another way" approach, and Bill with his
proactive "let's get moving or we'll never pull this off!"  I loved them
both so much and consider the 2+ months I worked with them a treasure - even
tho' that "assignment" had required that I leave Maliwada village in India
(and my husband and 5 year-old twin sons) just three weeks after we had
arrived from NYC!  I'm sure Bill and Barb filled you in over the years on
those quick-turnaround responses to "the mission."

 

What I beheld in Bill and Barbara's relationship was akin to what I have
been blessed with - true and unconditional love.  My husband, Joe, 14 years
my senior, and now 85, is wrestling with progressive memory loss; Bill was
10 years younger than Barb, and must have mourned the loss of her presence
and spark as his partner in so many activities, especially after she entered
the long term care facility. I hope her last days were comfortable, and that
her two years without Bill had some significant meaning and spiritual
substance.  I say this without knowing at all what her illness or frailty
was, but believing that if such were within reach, she would embrace it.

 

When Bill and Barb visited us here in West Newfield, ME about 10 years ago,
they gifted us with a lovely Crate and Barrel bowl - far more generous than
the usual overnight guest's gift.  I fill it with bananas, grapes,
strawberries, tomatoes - variously, whatever the season - and always think
of them.  The other image from their visit is a funny one:  at that time our
guest room was on the first floor (now it is on the 2nd with queen sized bed
and private bath) and the old fashioned double bed only allowed one night
table with lamp in the far corner - plus the guests would have to trek to
the bathroom through the living room and the dining room!  Ever the one to
care responsibly for space requirements and intellectual pursuits, Barb
asked me - "So, kiddo, how will Bill (who chose to sleep on the side near
the door in order to get to the bathroom quickly) be able to read HIS book
if we've only got one light?"  We immediately hooked up a floor lamp. J

 

That is such the Barb Alerding I love!!

 

Please know that as long as many of us continue "on this mortal plain," I
will hold Barbara before us as one of the first "new" women - of the ilk
that have, indeed, shaped history.

 

With love and appreciation,

 

Marilyn

 

Marilyn R. Crocker, Ed.D

123 Sanborn Rd

West Newfield, ME 04095

 

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