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<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=UTF-8">
<p>As many on this list have shared, Alice and I have also, as we
grow older, experienced painful losses through death. Our
personal discussions with each other confronting our eventual
passing have raised questions about how we prepare for those times
and how to help those we leave behind. There seems to be a stigma
that if a person talks about their own death somehow they may be
suicidal or at best just sadistic but in general it is taboo in
"polite circles." Although we don't dwell on the topic still we
don't avoid it and better yet, we embrace it. Planning for our
own passing can be an eschatological experience and certainly
calls into question who and what we believe ourselves to be.</p>
<p>I hope you will let me join the "Death Team."</p>
<p>Jim<br>
</p>
<p>On 12/14/2019 4:59 PM, Richard Alton via Dialogue wrote:<br>
</p>
<blockquote type="cite" cite="mid:CABsV-y9+G-o4F7APPm+Uw51VzRRs8JuHznGBDc_dfUJPP1JeTw@mail.gmail.com">
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<div class="gmail_default" style="font-size:large"><b style="font-family:Cambria;font-size:12pt;color:rgb(0,0,0)"><u>Death
up Close</u></b><br>
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<div class="gmail_quote">
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<div dir="ltr">
<div style="font-size:large">
<div title="Page 1" style="color:rgb(0,0,0)">
<p><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Cambria">It
has been a rough year. Late in 2018 I fell off my
bike and headed to the doctor to make sure I was
okay. From a CT scan discovered two lung spots-
four months of CT scans, a PET scan and a biopsy,
(which caused a collapsed lung) to find out it was
nothing the doctors were concerned about. But it
generated a lot of thinking about my end of life,
and death. Even went to a Church class on sharing
what you have done or need to do to get ready for
your funeral.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Cambria">Then
Jim Stovall, Sally’s brother (10 years in the
Order), came down with stage 4 cirrhosis of the
liver. They worked on a liver replacement, but
Jim’s body became toxic and he died in April of
this year. Then in May, Sally (significant other
for 14 years) had a major stroke and died- just to
give you a feel for this death up close:</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Cambria;font-style:italic;color:rgb(34,34,34)">Sally,
nothing basically wrong...just general 70-year
health problems... a little issue with high blood
pressure but controlled by pills. She was getting
ready for a meeting and I came into the bedroom
and she was on the bed- said she got dizzy in the
bathroom and just barely made it to the bed. She
said she had a headache (her speech was a little
slurred) and wanted two aspirins- I gave them to
her and left her on the bed for 15 minutes- came
back and she wanted to eat something- sure- but
she could not get up except her left arm- I
grabbed her arm but she was not able to make it
up- I called ambulance-we got to the hospital- she
had a massive stroke with major brain bleeding...
from local Western Suburban Hospital took her
downtown by ambulance to Rush (Chicago stroke
Hospital). Arrived at Hospital by 10:30pm and they
determined she had lost most of her brain
function. We kept her on a breathing tube until
her sister and daughter arrived the next day and
pulled tube after a prayer service with her pastor
Marti, Pam Bergdall, Carol (sister), Teresa
(daughter), George Emerick (Teresa’s father) and
myself. Sally lasted about 15 minutes. In a way it
was great, it was quick. She was unconscious
almost immediately at 730pm Monday night and
pronounced dead at 4:27pm the next day, May 21st..
a great life</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Cambria">But
I wasn’t prepared for the HOLE that was blown in
my life with the loss of my partner of 14 years.
And in the midst of this emotional loss, I have
had to spend the last 7 months taking care of the
aftereffects of Sally’s death and re-organizing my
life. So, my learnings from these 3 death
experiences (I count my lung problem as a near
death):</span></p>
<ol style="list-style-type:none">
<li>
<p><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Cambria">1)
In all 3 events I was struck how unprepared
we are for death both in handling others
deaths or our own. We are overwhelmed by the
loss of our loved one to deal with what is the
most important event of our or their lives.
How can we pay so little attention to
expressing the meaning and purpose of this
glorious life we have had?</span></p>
</li>
<li>
<p><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Cambria">2)
Second, death is usually hidden and then
burst into our lives. Death is wicked how fast
it comes and how it is all consuming and
leaves little room for preparation or even
thought. Sally’s stroke was unannounced, and
she was gone in less that 12 hours. Jim
Stovall was in a hospital fighting a losing
battle for his life and Sally and his family
were totally consumed with his </span><span style="font-family:Cambria;font-size:12pt">care.
It is hidden in that we do not want to even
consider this end or admit to our finitude and
mortality. The hiddenness from death, from
this final power cuts us off from our journey
leaves us shocked and disoriented in
thinking/preparing to have a meaningful ending</span></p>
<p><span style="font-family:Cambria;font-size:12pt">3)
What happens is professionals that deal a lot
with death step in and organize the readings,
the message, the music, the witness, the
reception as the family and friends are frozen
in losing a beloved one. When you read
Matthew’s The Time My Father Died and Matthews
gets mad at what the funeral home had done to
his father. The issue is not the funeral home
but rather Joseph had not thought through his
father’s death.</span></p>
</li>
</ol>
</div>
<div title="Page 2" style="color:rgb(0,0,0)">
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<div>
<div>
<p><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Cambria">In
the case of Sally, since I had been thinking
about my own death- I asked ICA’s Seva
Gandhi to do one of the Memorial Services
witnesses to Sally’s life. I asked her to
reflect on Sally’s time in the Order, the
Ecumenical Institute and Institute of
Cultural Affairs. Seva did a great job
capturing Sally’s thankfulness for being in
a religious community and how she engaged
herself as being part of a global servant
force that was out to care for the poorest
of the poor. I was so pleased that it seemed
to hold the depth, wonder and uniqueness of
her existence;</span></p>
<ul style="list-style-type:none">
<li><span style="font-family:Cambria;font-size:12pt">Sally
loved the religious house and the
community, interaction, structures it
brought her life.</span><br>
</li>
<li><span style="font-family:Cambria;font-size:12pt"><br>
</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Cambria;font-size:12pt">Sally
loved the town meetings and her engaging
the small towns across Utah. She had an
amazing memory of those small town
meetings and especially the songs.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Cambria;font-size:12pt"><br>
</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family:Cambria;font-size:12pt">It
was clear that Sally had found purpose in
her life and was sent to make a difference
in this world. Others sensed this too. Was
pretty obvious when she died on a Tuesday
and the next day, Wednesday, we held a
prayer service with 100 people showing up
and talked and talked about what Sally
meant to their lives. And then that
Saturday at her Memorial Service 250
people showed up many unknown to us...
people were standing in the Church aisles</span></li>
</ul>
<p><span style="font-family:Cambria;font-size:12pt">But
my lesson learned through all of this is
that we need to take ownership of our death
and the message (word) it brings to others.
I have worked on my funeral: like to have
the Daily Office liturgy, DH Lawrence’s Not
I, Not I But a New Wind Blowing Through Me
read, decided what I like to have read from
the NT and the OT and who and what would
like have sung plus a witness-one being the
ICA. For Sally’s Memorial Service her
children pulled together a slide show that
was fabulous. Need to do that.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Cambria">I
think the basic message is that we need to
get our deaths thought through.<br>
So 3 deaths (actually Sally’s sister died
the year before) and a funeral class has</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Cambria">made
death up close as a reality. Overwhelming
experience; need to bring intentionality and
attentionally to our deaths and the death
needs to speak the “Word”. So from this
experience and dialogue I have joined with
others to form a “Death Team” (Pam Bergdall
and Seva Gandhi- who says death is always on
her mind), We are proposing a quarterly
death webinar or more like a death sharing </span><span style="font-family:Cambria;font-size:12pt">circle
to get our deaths in shape...it has been
said that facing up to death also makes for
a better life. What think you?</span></p>
</div>
</div>
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<div>
<p><span style="font-size:12pt;font-family:Cambria">Dick
Alton, RS-1, 1968, born December 14, 1941</span></p>
</div>
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<div>Richard H. T. Alton</div>
<div>One Earth Film Fest ( OEFF)</div>
<div>Green Community Connections</div>
<div>Interfaith Green Network</div>
<div>T: 773.344.7172</div>
<div><a href="mailto:richard.alton@gmail.com" target="_blank" moz-do-not-send="true">richard.alton@gmail.com</a></div>
<div><b><font size="2">*Save the
Date! One Earth Film
Festival 2019, March 1-10</font></b></div>
<div><font size="2">http:<a href="http://www.oneearthfilmfestival.org" target="_blank" moz-do-not-send="true">www.oneearthfilmfestival.org</a></font></div>
<div><font size="2"><br>
</font></div>
<div><font size="2">Make Plain
the Vision, Habakkuh 2:2</font></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
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</div>
</div>
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</div>
</div>
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<div><br>
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