<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html charset=utf-8"></head><body style="word-wrap: break-word; -webkit-nbsp-mode: space; -webkit-line-break: after-white-space;" class="">Thank you most deeply, Marilyn.<div class=""><br class=""></div><div class="">And thanks to David Marshall for sending me these letters some years ago.</div><div class=""><br class=""></div><div class="">Ken</div><div class=""><br class=""></div><div class=""><br class=""></div><div class=""><br class=""></div><div class="">
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<div class="WordSection1"><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:200%"><span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 200%;" class="">Here’s
the letter Kay Hayes sent out before the 2000 Reunion.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:200%"><span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 200%;" class="">Today Kay wrote, "<o:p class=""></o:p></span><span style="line-height: 200%; color: rgb(20, 24, 35); background-color: rgb(246, 247, 248);" class="">I wrote the personal apology and sent it to Marsha Hahn who told me about the abuse. She sent it to the youth by way of the newsletter the youth wrote."</span></p>
</div>
<span lang="EN-US" class=""><br clear="all" style="page-break-before:auto;
mso-break-type:section-break" class="">
</span><div style="margin: 0cm 54pt 0.0001pt;" class=""><span lang="EN-US" class="">When we began the “Family Order” we
were small enough that we knew each other and kept on top of what was going on
with our children. I was in Fifth City
when JFK died and joined Joe Mathews at the children’s table. We thought we were revolutionary in children’s
education but as we grew in numbers we began to let unknown and irresponsible
people take over our children’s care.
There is no excuse for this – it is criminal. And I, as an adult in the Order for thirty
years never took notice of the suffering of our children. Not all children were
neglected and/or abused but it was criminal that even one child suffered. I am so ashamed of my passive acceptance of
this situation.<o:p class=""></o:p></span></div><div style="margin: 0cm 54pt 0.0001pt;" class=""><span lang="EN-US" class=""> </span></div><div style="margin: 0cm 54pt 0.0001pt;" class=""><span lang="EN-US" class="">Virginia Satir, the family
therapist, has the parents of an abused child kneel down and apologize for not
protecting the child (even when they did not know about it). So I am now on my knees – I apologize that I,
as an adult, did not protect you and other children. Every child has the right to be
protected. I was blind to it. I am sorry.
If there is anything I can do, please let me know. I do not ask for forgiveness – this is
something I will take to my grave. You did
not deserve to be abused. I think an
apology is overdue to each and every one of you who suffered.<o:p class=""></o:p></span></div><div style="margin: 0cm 54pt 0.0001pt;" class=""><span lang="EN-US" class=""> </span></div><div style="margin: 0cm 54pt 0.0001pt;" class=""><span lang="EN-US" class="">I’ve been thinking about the movie <i class="">Judgment in Nuremberg</i>, the first movie
the Order analyzed. In it, they were
talking about all the Germans who did not (first-hand) kill the Jews. As I remember the quotes – “Yes, we notice
the terrible smell at the camps and we noticed that all the Jews were
disappearing, but we didn’t know what was happening. We are not guilty.”<o:p class=""></o:p></span></div><div style="margin: 0cm 54pt 0.0001pt;" class=""><span lang="EN-US" class=""> </span></div><div style="margin: 0cm 54pt 0.0001pt;" class=""><span lang="EN-US" class="">Well, we (the adults) did notice
that our children hated Emerging Generation structures, that they cried for
their parents, and that they were not learning, but suffering. For that, we are guilty.<o:p class=""></o:p></span></div><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" class=""> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:200%"><span lang="EN-US" style="line-height: 200%;" class="">Shortly thereafter, the following
letter was distributed, signed by one hundred and fifty Order parents and
adults:<o:p class=""></o:p></span></p><div style="margin: 0cm 54pt 0.0001pt;" class=""><span lang="EN-US" class="">We, the undersigned who were present
at the Order Reunion 2000, heard verbal and written reports from both first and
second generation persons in which they expressed their abuse and
suffering. In response we wish to add to
the above letter as an expression of our apology without justification. We are personally contacting first generation
Order persons but wanted to have an initial expression of our sorrow go quickly
to the second generation.<o:p class=""></o:p></span></div><div style="margin: 0cm 54pt 0.0001pt;" class=""><span lang="EN-US" class=""> </span></div><div style="margin: 0cm 54pt 0.0001pt;" class=""><span lang="EN-US" class="">We are brokenhearted about the
suffering we allowed and even more sorry that it has taken so long to
acknowledge this to you. This is only an
opening of what we hope will be an ongoing dialogue. We need to hear your truth. We are ready to listen.<font size="4" class=""><o:p class=""></o:p></font></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div><div class=""><br class=""></div><div class=""><br class=""></div><div class=""><br class=""></div><div class=""><br class=""><div><div class="">On Feb 5, 2016, at 8:32 PM, Marilyn Crocker <<a href="mailto:marilyncrocker@juno.com" class="">marilyncrocker@juno.com</a>> wrote:</div><br class="Apple-interchange-newline"><div class=""><div class="WordSection1" style="page: WordSection1; font-family: ArialMT; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; orphans: auto; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; widows: auto; word-spacing: 0px; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px;"><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class="">Hi Ken,<o:p class=""></o:p></span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class=""> </span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class="">I’m not sure where you heard that “Kay’s apology was sent to all the Second Generation before the 2000 reunion.” <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><o:p class=""></o:p></span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class=""> </span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class="">Actually, that was not the case.<o:p class=""></o:p></span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class=""> </span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class="">When we gathered before the reunion began, the agenda was set and after several side-bar meetings with some of us (Kay, me, Sandy True, Ken & Ruth Gilbert, Martha Talbott, Mark Whitney, Leif Oden and others) we suggested the agenda be altered to include the issues that were being increasingly raised by our second generation.<o:p class=""></o:p></span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class=""> </span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class="">Kay’s own childhood abuse by her uncle urged her to advocate for our second generation, and whether wise or not, she became the spokesperson for our second generation at that meeting. I facilitated the whole group gathering when the difficult “truths” were discussed – not at all a role I had intended when I registered for this “reunion.” Martha Talbott facilitated a follow-up session to present the 5 healing strategies we, as first generation, recommended.<o:p class=""></o:p></span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class=""> </span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class="">The statements of apology were crafted during that time of the meeting, not by Kay, but by the OE Generation #2, and the OE Generation #1. And Joe and I and many others present wholeheartedly signed the statement of apology from Generation #1 – we were stunned and saddened by what had been revealed.<o:p class=""></o:p></span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class=""> </span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class="">And then, Bishop Jim Mathews, who was present for all of these painfully honest conversations, acknowledged the brokenness (Sin) and pronounced the Word of Absolution (Grace)<o:p class=""></o:p></span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class=""> </span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class="">I believe neither Carol Poole, nor her family who had left the Order long before, were present for these gatherings, and so the “apologies” she cited in her narrative were probably the best she garnered from third parties, but were presented out of actual context. That’s not her fault…it’s just she wasn’t there.<o:p class=""></o:p></span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class=""> </span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class="">I’m looking forward to alternative “Memoirs” or even “Historical Non-fiction” versions of the OE: Story – especially from some of the amazing (in my estimation) priors of the Student House – like the Packards, the Griffins, the Crows, Nancy Lamphear, Marie Sharpe, Jeannie Philbrook, Dierdre Dowsett, etc..<o:p class=""></o:p></span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class=""> </span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class="">And I look forward to other perspectives from our second generation adults.<o:p class=""></o:p></span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class=""> </span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class="">Furthermore, as one who was a member of the Order for 22 years, and who, with my husband of nearly 49 years, raised two sons in the Order, I’m guessing it might be my responsibility to write my version of life in the Order.<o:p class=""></o:p></span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class=""> </span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class="">We’ll see.<o:p class=""></o:p></span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class=""> </span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class="">Grace and peace,<o:p class=""></o:p></span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class=""> </span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class="">Marilyn<o:p class=""></o:p></span></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 73, 125);" class=""> </span></div><div class=""><div style="border-style: solid none none; border-top-color: rgb(181, 196, 223); border-top-width: 1pt; padding: 3pt 0in 0in;" class=""><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><b class=""><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif;" class="">From:</span></b><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif;" class=""><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>OE [<a href="mailto:oe-bounces@lists.wedgeblade.net" style="color: purple; text-decoration: underline;" class="">mailto:oe-bounces@lists.wedgeblade.net</a>]<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><b class="">On Behalf Of<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></b>Ken Fisher via OE<br class=""><b class="">Sent:</b><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Friday, February 05, 2016 6:37 PM<br class=""><b class="">To:</b><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Order Ecumenical Community; Colleague Dialogue<br class=""><b class="">Subject:</b><span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>[Oe List ...] Correction - Grits, Green Beans and the Holy Ghost<o:p class=""></o:p></span></div></div></div><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><o:p class=""> </o:p></div><div class=""><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><o:p class=""> </o:p></div></div><div class=""><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 13.5pt; color: rgb(20, 24, 35); background-color: rgb(246, 247, 248); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;" class="">Correction: Kay’s ‘on-behalf-of’ apology was sent to all the Order Youth before the 2000 reunion.</span><o:p class=""></o:p></div></div><div class=""><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><o:p class=""> </o:p></div></div><div class=""><div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;" class=""><span style="font-size: 13.5pt; color: rgb(20, 24, 35); background-color: rgb(246, 247, 248); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;" class="">Another apology was agreed upon at the reunion and signed by</span><span style="font-size: 18pt; color: rgb(20, 24, 35); background-color: rgb(246, 247, 248); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;" class=""> by 150 Order parents and adults.</span></div></div></div></div></div><br class=""></div></body></html>